athios
Templar
[ Star Traders 2 Supporter ]
Posts: 1,611 
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Post by athios on Mar 17, 2017 1:45:19 GMT -5
Black Market card game, draw of an Access (Level 3) card:
description:
Successfully reach an minor illegal trading house, as if we had Full Trader Permit
(I would argue that Level 3 & 4 are not trivial, and therefore shouldn't be described as 'minor'.)
results text for successful draw:
Our attempt to access to the illegal trading house took <TIME>.
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Post by fallen on Mar 17, 2017 11:57:05 GMT -5
Thx fixed.
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Post by grävling on Mar 18, 2017 5:33:12 GMT -5
There was terrible phone connectivity in the mountains, so I gave up, and just made screenshots all night long of errors I found.  s/rendevous/rendezvous/ s/pickup/pick up/ s/smooth as/as smooth as/ |
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Post by grävling on Mar 18, 2017 5:47:16 GMT -5
 s/to/onto/ |
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Post by grävling on Mar 18, 2017 6:24:58 GMT -5
 In that sentence you have two variables swapped. It should read ... will be waiting for NAME ... but the EX-SPY. s/well-paid/well paid/ (not an adjective) reading it again I would s/make the ex-Spy/help the ex-Spy/ because when I discreetly make somebody disappear, I kill them.  |
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Post by grävling on Mar 18, 2017 6:48:38 GMT -5
 s/An engineer is/Engineers are/ (Or you could fix the second sentence to be singular. But they have to agree.) s/high tech/high-tech/ I sort of want to say 'focus on repair and maintenance' -- but isn't that what a mechanic does? I would have thought that the thing that distinguished an engineer from a mechanic was that the engineer didn't focus on repair; he just understood the whole matter more thoroughly. |
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Post by grävling on Mar 18, 2017 6:53:41 GMT -5
 s/persuasion, leadership/persuasive leadership/ (and if we are lucky, the sentence will fit on my screen, as the current one doesn't, quite.) |
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Post by grävling on Mar 18, 2017 7:50:25 GMT -5
Corsair's Eye Description
s/Merchants/Merchant/
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Post by grävling on Mar 18, 2017 9:38:15 GMT -5
Black Market:  I like 'the Parallel Market' more than 'the Black Market', but needs a capitalisation if you are going to use it. Something is wrong with 'Law 3 less than 3', should be Trade Law in any case, and you are missing a closing square bracket. I think you need a different first sentence, such as 'There is no Parallel Market on this world.' |
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Post by fallen on Mar 18, 2017 11:36:31 GMT -5
Thanks all fixed.
We're sticking to Black Market atm. Parallel Market really doesn't do it for me, sorry.
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Post by Cory Trese on Mar 18, 2017 11:43:57 GMT -5
Thank you for the annotated screenshots. I'm certain this made tracking and fixing these issues a LOT easier.
Thanks again, +1
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Post by grävling on Mar 19, 2017 0:38:01 GMT -5
 s/him/he/ s/onboard/he is on board/ s/him/his/ s/officially/publicly/ s/the// s/publicly/officially/ (You have to deliver him publicly, in order to make it official, I think. Otherwise they could deny everything and lose any relevant paperwork. Or perhaps I misunderstand?)  Once we arrive and start doing the mission, this screen would read better if: 'We are here to welcome...' was the first sentence, and 'Once on board (not onboard)...' was the second. When you unload him:  He's not a Mysterious Passenger. We know all about him.  |
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Post by grävling on Mar 19, 2017 0:50:28 GMT -5
 s/to escort/with escorting/ |
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Post by grävling on Mar 19, 2017 0:57:05 GMT -5
Artful Jumper:  s/off of/off/ s/the Steel Song knew about/Steel Song discovers/ s/would/will/ |
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Post by grävling on Mar 19, 2017 1:35:06 GMT -5
 Should be 'Our reputation in the Quadrant' And, since the battle was _over_ I was actually looking to see if disputes with Clan Zenrin was having any effect on De Valtos, whose zone we were in, so sort of wanted a report that said "We lost 2 reputation with Clan Zenrin for shooting torpedoes at them, but de Valtos, despite being in a trade alliance with Clan Zenrin, didn't care". |
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