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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 5:13:13 GMT -5
Introduction to the NBZ s/would turn their back on me/would turn their backs on me/ s/'the plan.'/'the plan'./
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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 5:20:04 GMT -5
Mercer s/and the NBZ security/in part because the NBZ security/ a/As soon as they/So they won't wait around for you. As soon as they/
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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 8:25:09 GMT -5
Luka s/I'm ready for my next upgrade -- what's next./I am eager for my next assignment./ (There is nothing grammatically wrong with the sentence you have, but you have already used 'upgrade' in the last sentence, and now you are saying 'next' twice ... so it reads clunky.) s/at the bit."/at the bit"./ s/The tunnels aren't the real thing/The tunnels weren't the real thing/ s/And we want you to work/We want you to work/ s/in with the Fennians/with the Fennians/ s/and with the BraveStar/and with BraveStar/ s/There a limited number/There are a limited number/ s/move between them often/often move between them/ s/be careful up there/I'd be very careful up there/ ... or be careful if you go there ....? depends on what you want to say. Be careful getting there? Or simply Don't Go There Yet ? The text about the backrooms misses that they are the most impoirtant source of rumours that you can get. I think a reminder to listen for rumours would be in order. s/You use to work/You used to work/ s/you might not/You might not/ s/the Runner will stay on/the Cyber Knight will invite the runner to stay on/ s/top notch/top-notch/ s/are importing/import/ s/the wastes/the wastes,/ s/spend his or her Experience/direct how a Runner will spend his or her Experience/ s/invest your Experience/invest your own Experience/ s/onto your team/permanently onto your team/ s/Convert a Runner a permanent/Convert a Runner into a permanent/ Add This: This will save you money in the long run. And don't worry about making Allies that you end up not needing. You can always Dismiss them when they are not needed. Should you ever Dismiss an Ally, and want them to return later, you can invite them to rejoin at the cost of a nominal amount of experience points. So an Ally is a really good deal, all around!
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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 10:34:24 GMT -5
Moxa Trow s/trust and free will/trust and good will/ (I think this is what you meant to say)
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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 10:54:23 GMT -5
after paying respects to Sean Kelly s/and now if I want/and now, if I want/
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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 12:16:42 GMT -5
Luka s/implants, and spend all your credits on keeping the most cutting-edge gear in the NBZ to keep it up to date/implants. It takes a lot of credits -- not only must you acquire the most cutting-edge gear in the NBZ you can afford but you must constantly be on the look out for upgrades. For a Cyber Knight quality gear is nothing less that the difference between life and death./ (Or something like that. What is there now is confused.)
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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 12:24:38 GMT -5
Tunnel Guns: s/rating'/rating/ s/affect you/affect you as much/ s/said, It's/said, it's/ s/a weapon's Damage Rating/a weapon's Power rating/ (you keep referring to the Damage rating, but that doesn't exist in the game you mean Power, of course.) s/the damage roll it makes during an attack/the maximum damage it can do when it penetrates/ (to stay within the game world) s/Higher Penetration and Damage raise the killing power of the weapon/A Higher Penetration and Power rating, together, mean that the weapon is more deadly/ s/overall percentage to hit/overall odds of hitting your target/ s/ability to combo-attack/its ability to combo-attack/ s/can possibly/could possibly/ s/Keep it loaded up at all times./Like I said, keep it loaded up at all times./
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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 12:44:01 GMT -5
Frederic Flynn s/Tunnels for Mars/Tunnels for the Fennians/ s/keep the jobs/keeping the jobs/ s/fake combat training/fake combat training. s/-- when it comes to combat. It's all real, chummer./The combat's got to be real, chummer./ s/too recognizable of a/too recognizable a/
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Post by Ahab on Jan 16, 2013 12:51:53 GMT -5
Knight to himself: s/data terminals are critical part/data terminals are a critical part/
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Post by Ahab on Jan 16, 2013 13:21:04 GMT -5
Heaven Pharma, next to the icon for Gear: s/I need some street dugs/I need some street drugs/
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Post by Ahab on Jan 16, 2013 13:23:45 GMT -5
Heaven Pharma, next to the icon for Gear: s/I need some street dugs/I need some street drugs/
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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 13:32:19 GMT -5
Holly s/one place to long/one place too long/
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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 15:06:46 GMT -5
Mallor True s/told you that?/told you that I was?/ (otherwise it sounds like 'who told you that I wasn't, which is exactly what you don't mean)
s/torest up/to rest up,/ s/You know you are training me/I know you are training me/ s/let me be sure you don't think// (the sentence reads better without this clause) s/You're services/Your services/
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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 15:37:07 GMT -5
Mercer s/its referred to/this is referred to/
Say instead:
As your Human DV increases, you lose the ability to gain Experience.
'As your Human DV approaches 300, you will lose' sounds like you learn perfectly well and then, abruptly, when it gets close to 300 it stops.
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Post by grävling on Jan 16, 2013 16:49:14 GMT -5
Loft Apartments s/its like a hotel/you can come and use it, like a hotel/ s/and you can stay/and you can stay, for free/
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