Post by tenbsmith on Dec 12, 2015 16:07:59 GMT -5
These minor typos may be more worthy of your attention...
Below, the direct quote from the opening dialogue of Atmos Rentry is followed by suggested edits.
"The Templar Knights, honored warriors of Shalun, have coming knocking on your door."
--get rid of the 'ing' in 'coming'.
"Then we had be best leaving quickly."
--move 'be' to after 'best', 'we had best be leaving'.
"Of course....but there a few things I must get."
--add 'are' between 'there' and 'a', 'there are a few'
"As if punctuating a warning, the deck shudders under the feet our Leviathans mechs."
--Maybe replace 'puncutuating' with something like 'uttering'.
--Add 'of', 'feet of our Leviathan mechs.'
--remove s from 'leviathans'.
PS. I captured screenshots of these on 11/19/2015.
Below, the direct quote from the opening dialogue of Atmos Rentry is followed by suggested edits.
"The Templar Knights, honored warriors of Shalun, have coming knocking on your door."
--get rid of the 'ing' in 'coming'.
"Then we had be best leaving quickly."
--move 'be' to after 'best', 'we had best be leaving'.
"Of course....but there a few things I must get."
--add 'are' between 'there' and 'a', 'there are a few'
"As if punctuating a warning, the deck shudders under the feet our Leviathans mechs."
--Maybe replace 'puncutuating' with something like 'uttering'.
--Add 'of', 'feet of our Leviathan mechs.'
--remove s from 'leviathans'.
PS. I captured screenshots of these on 11/19/2015.
