Initial Conversation s/one way/one-way/ s/getting in to/getting into/ s/your willing/you are willing/ (or you're willing) s/that will match your/ either 'that matches your' or 'that can be made to match your' depending on what is meant. The way you have it now makes it sound like the computer is alive, and makes a choice ... which isn't what you meant, I believe. s/brave new world/Brave New World/ (if you mean the literary reference) s/come on foot/come in, on foot/ s/clinic in the New Boston/clinic in the New Boston Zone/ s/No mega-corp/It's also illegal. No legitimate megacorp clinic/ s/When its over/When it's over/ (or When surgery is over)
It this point it would be nice to get a cutsceen that says:
'Several days later ....'
s/I've wanted this for so long. Now I have to survive./I've wanted this for so long. Why aren't I happy? It must be the drugs from surgery. I've got to survive./