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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 7:33:50 GMT -5
Gibson The first one is really silly. Your button says: Gibons, right? (so I was expecting him to get all upset! ;D ) s/Gibons/Gibson/ s/for the law/for the Law/ (I could hear the missing capital letter when I read it. ) s/recommended you my way/recommended me to you/ (or maybe recommended you to me) ... but 'recommended you my way' just makes me go 'huh?' perhaps 'recommended that we work together' would be better? s/There are a lot of us out here, just soaking up data./I need data. I need to soak it up. s/taking it home so/Then take it home, so that/ s/analyzed, and we can keep up/analyzed. That's the only way to keep up/ s/chose/choose/ (Talking about there being a lot of us seems out of character. He doesn't want poor old Made-Not-Born to go into the freelance data delivery business, after all. ) s/bring me the data/bring me that data./ s/ Every Data Hound/Every single BraveStar Data Hound/ s/only be interested in a single other faction/specializes in intel about a particular faction/ (we don't want him to suggest that the CK freelance. That is the CK's idea to come up with.) On your phone list Gibson is 'Criminal Investigator'. Shouldn't it be 'Data Hound (Yku)'? ======================== fallen fixed up to HERE =============
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 13:08:56 GMT -5
More Mercer: s/Notably,/We find it notable that/ s/thirteen year old/thirteen-year-old/ s/hostile kidnapping/a hostile kidnapping/ s/critical that/crucial that/ s/are returned/are both returned/ s/alerted him that you/alerted him to the fact that you/ s/drinking in a Mars Backroom/drinking in the Mars backroom/ (since there only is one, correct?)
s/I'm just try to be sure/I'm just trying to be sure that/ (note 2 fixes) s/Backrooms/Backroom/ (only 1, right?)
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 13:21:47 GMT -5
Eastwind Niner s/Survelliance measures/Surveillance Measures/ (note 2 fixes) s/is 33 year old/is a 33-year-old/ s/researching facility/Research Facility/ s/researching procedures and tests/ ? I have no clue what this means ? assignments ?
Is she using restricted tech and information? Or discovering restricted tech and information? or both?
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 13:43:39 GMT -5
More Mallor True s/Al the people/All the people/ s/sees Knight immediately/recognizes that I am a Cyber Knight/ ( I am not sure if this is what you meant. I didn't understand it as you wrote it.) s/you know?/you know./ s/will every take you/will ever take you/ s/that is a sign/that is either a sign/ s/Or they don't/Or that they don't/
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 14:28:15 GMT -5
Kidd Blaze s/now that/now that/ just a font change) s/Its all going on/It's all going on/ s/How do you start tracking/How about you start tracing/(note 2 fixes) s/its going to/it's going to/ s/talk about next/talk about the next/
s/say its interesting/say it's interesting/ s/she is low ranking/she is a low-ranking/ (note two fixes) s/She's nobody/She's a nobody/ s/I don't know how else/I didn't know how else/ s/slaughter fest/slaughter-fest/ s/she wouldn't part/she wouldn't be parted/
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 14:50:17 GMT -5
Global Bank Branch
I think you misspelt 'Security' as in 'Have to Call Security', but I tapped too quickly and missed it. Sorry.
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 15:13:17 GMT -5
Security Gateway
s/holopic/holo-pic/
he says 'three days ago' but she vanished 'six days ago' according to our briefing. Bug or feature?
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 15:32:59 GMT -5
s/or there were kidnappers/or there were kidnappers/ (just a font change) s/Citizens Card/Citizen's Card/
Note: I don't think that Made-Not-Born's logic is very good here. He thinks that this means that she wasn't intending to come back. All it means is that she thinks that she could be traced through her Card, and since Kidd Blaze did just that, she is quite correct.
s/old fashion leg work/old-fashioned leg-work/ s/shops and place/shops and places/ s/a good option/another good option/
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 15:48:21 GMT -5
Bay Street Mission
s/run-aways/runaways/ s/Well, .... They/Well .... they/ s/did seem them/did see them/ s/darlin/darlin'/
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 15:59:06 GMT -5
Sara's Journal
s/its enough/it's enough/ s/pilftered/pilfered/ s/enough weeks/enough drugs over the weeks/ (? is that what you meant? I didn't really understand)
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 16:29:49 GMT -5
Kate s/herself in/herself into/
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Post by Ahab on Jan 13, 2013 18:08:08 GMT -5
Mercer (in the Tunnels): s/For now e is in charge/For now he is in charge/
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 18:17:48 GMT -5
Razors Joe s/its like/it's like/
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 18:49:08 GMT -5
Krofters s/The way people remember it/The way people remember it./ (missing period) s/there wage-slave/their wage-slave/
'I was a hired gun' -- maybe 'I was hired muscle' would be better? My cybersword doesn't have any memories of being any good with a gun ....
s/Only a few of us go that/Only a few of us got that/ (or get that? )
BUG: How can you be sure -- shows Sara's picture, not Eliza's
BUG -- I tapped 'what is your offer' -- and it went directly into 'Let Mars Rot' -- so clearly I double tapped, but this is too important a decision to be made by accident. And I really think this is all a test, and I now have screwed up big time ....
Also, if, as I think, this is over -- well, this seems a very abrupt ending. 60 XP is nice, though.
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Post by grävling on Jan 13, 2013 20:07:25 GMT -5
PDA fixes: s/stand asside/stand aside/
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