Post by rabidbite on Apr 2, 2015 17:09:44 GMT -5
EDITING MY OWN WORK
I've had people ask for advice about editing and books and such (The poor fools). So I thought, why not offer an example of editing?
One of my old posts in The Rat Bastard is ... awful. I mean horrible as a heart attack. Some people might not understand why I say that. So, perhaps I can help aspiring authors by conducting a thorough edit of the small post. This will take them through the step by step process of what you should expect when a real EDITOR does a CONTENT edit.
First, the original text.
-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Pastor Jorian was having a day of horrors.
He’d been in the middle of mass when a ratkin had attacked him! In his own church! The nerve of the creature! It had pounced from the rafters (Some villagers might say it had fallen).
For a few moments, the pastor had frozen in disbelief as he found himself winded and under the foul smelling vermin. He blamed his hesitation on the pink flower apron it wore like a cape. If not the apron, than the chamber pot on top of its head. The whole getup was bizarre!
The ratkin seemed disoriented, but Jorian’s duty was clear.
“Sacrilid…!”
The ratkin opened its snout and BUUURRRRP!
The overpowering stench of rotten meat, booze and gods knew what else hit Jorian like a sledgehammer. The congregation stared in utter stupefaction as the pastor fell on his butt, retching.
The ratkin rubbed its belly before its eyes opened wide in horror. No, it was not staring at the village folk, it was staring at the broken gourd and the spilled Holy Water on the flagstones.
“SQUEEEEK!” It shrieked. It fell on its knees and licked at the Holy Water off the floor before breaking into squeaky sobs.
“By the Nine, it looks drunk!” Someone said.
“NO,” Jorian said. “It’s not drunk. It’s part of a ritual. Beware the foul power of the Crone.”
Calls for guards were heard.
Kat blinked as he finally focused on the many … but many humans.
“What a horrible nightmare,” he muttered. It couldn’t be anything else. Maybe if he went to sleep in the dream he would wake up and everything would be better.
The villagers only heard, “Squeek … squeek … squeek … squeek.”
The ratkin scuttled over to the first bench. The villagers on it quickly departed. With a hiccup and a fart, Kat lay on the bench and was snoring even before its dirty snout hit the wood.
Gaba the Old couldn’t stifle a guffaw, “Dunno Pastor, it looks drunk as a skunk to me. Stinks like a drunk too.”
The Pastor stared at the snoring vermin, “Kill it already. It has violated the sanctity of this holy domicile.”
Gaba barked, “Oh shut it, Jorian. It’s no threat to anyone like that. We’ll lock it up and find out what it’s doing out here.”
“Then we kill it,” Jorian said with a snarl.
“Maybe,” Gaba replied with little inclination. Jorian had been rambling for over half a candlemark. At her age, the village elder could appreciate a timely interruption of the man’s overzealous dribble.
“Why is it wearing a flower apron?” a third asked.
“Beats me. What I want to know is how it kept the chamber pot from popping off its head when it hit the ground.” Gaba walked over to the front. She sniffed the flagstones with the broken gourd. “Jorian, why is the gourd full of -MY- brandy instead of Holy Water?”
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Apart from punctuation, these are the mistakes I noticed right off-the-bat.
1. POV errors – The point of view changes depending on the character. It jumps.
2. Passive constructs – In action, avoid passive constructs. It drags down pacing.
3. Weak verbs (was/were/had/’to be’) – Try to avoid these verbs as much as possible. They drag pacing, a lot.
4. Telling instead of showing. I TELL you details instead of SHOWING you details. Awful amateur writing.
5. Flag posting. When an author provides an unnecessary introduction/ lead-in sentence.
6. Action hidden behind words/wordy sentences.
7. Floating dialogue. - Dialogue with confusing identifiers. Who said what?
8. Name switching – Keep the name constant in a scene. If it’s Peter, keep it as Peter unless you have very indicative markers so that the reader knows who is who.
I’m not going to conduct a perfect edit, but let’s work on these basic errors. Let’s start MARKING the possible errors.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=---==--==-=-=-=-
Marking the mistakes.
Pastor Jorian was having a day of horrors. (#3, #4, #5)
He’d been in the middle of mass when a ratkin had attacked him! (#4) In his own church! The nerve of the creature! It had pounced from the rafters (#4)(Some villagers might say it had fallen) (#1).
For a few moments, the pastor had frozen (#3, #5, #6)in disbelief as he found himself winded and under the foul smelling vermin. He blamed his hesitation on the pink flower apron it wore like a cape. If not the apron, than the chamber pot on top of its head. The whole getup was bizarre! (#3)
The ratkin seemed disoriented, but Jorian’s duty was (#3) clear.
“Sacrilid…!” (- error here … should be a - )
The ratkin opened its snout and (error remove ‘and’ finish the sentence) BUUURRRRP!
The overpowering stench of rotten meat, booze and gods knew what else hit Jorian like a sledgehammer. The congregation stared in utter stupefaction as the pastor fell on his butt, retching. (This can use a tiny bit of trimming)
The ratkin rubbed its belly before its eyes opened wide in horror (#4). No, it was (#3) not staring at the village folk, it was staring (#3) at the broken gourd and the spilled Holy Water on the flagstones.
“SQUEEEEK!” It shrieked. It fell on its knees and licked at the Holy Water off the floor before breaking into squeaky sobs.
“By the Nine, it looks drunk!” Someone said.
“NO,” Jorian said. “It’s not drunk. It’s part of a ritual. Beware the foul power of the Crone.”
Calls for guards were heard. (#3, #2)
Kat blinked as he finally focused on the many … but many humans. (#1 Changed from Jorian to Kat POV)
“What a horrible nightmare,” he muttered. (#7 Who muttered? There are many ‘he’ available) It couldn’t be anything else. Maybe if he went to sleep in the dream he would wake up and everything would be (#3) better.
The villagers only heard, “Squeek … squeek … squeek … squeek.” (#1 Deity/narrator point of view?)
The ratkin scuttled over to the first bench. The villagers on it quickly departed. With a hiccup and a fart, Kat (#1 Ratkin point of view?) lay on the bench and was snoring(#3) even before its(#1 Does Kat thing of himself as It? Who is expressing this sentiment?) dirty snout hit the wood.
Gaba the Old couldn’t stifle a guffaw (#1, #4 How couldn’t she stifle a guffaw? Covered her mouth, what?), “Dunno Pastor, it looks drunk as a skunk to me. Stinks like a drunk too.”
The Pastor (#8) stared at the snoring vermin, “Kill it already. It has violated the sanctity of this holy domicile.”
Gaba barked, “Oh shut it, Jorian. It’s no threat to anyone like that. We’ll lock it up and find out what it’s doing out here.”
“Then we kill it,” Jorian said with a snarl. (Clunky. Jorian SNARLED, is better)
“Maybe,” Gaba replied with little inclination(#4. What does ‘little inclination mean? How does it manifest). Jorian had been rambling (#1 Gaba POV, #3, #4) for over half a candlemark. At her age, the village elder could appreciate a timely interruption of the man’s overzealous dribble.
“Why is it wearing a flower apron?” a third asked.
“Beats me. What I want to know is how it kept the chamber pot from popping off its head when it hit the ground.” Gaba walked over to the front. She sniffed the flagstones with the broken gourd. “Jorian, why is the gourd full of -MY- brandy instead of Holy Water?”
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
As you can see, a small dialogue intensive post with over 20 to 30 rookie mistakes. We aren't even counting the spelling errors. So, let's REWRITE/EDIT this.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Correcting the mistakes
A Holy Gourd shattered in front of Pastor Jorian. A prayer to the nine froze on his lips. He looked up, eyes widening. A ratkin fell on him like a ton of bricks.
Attacked! In my own church!
He screamed, only to have the stench of the creature crawl down his throat like a nightmare.
Its ass! Its ass is on my mouth!
Jorian pushed the vermin off him with another scream. His heart pounded so rapidly it threatened to burst out of his chest. He scrambled back and stared.
The ratkin tried to stand, but slipped to its knees. A large fat tail poked from under a pink and flower apron. It scratched at a furry ear, poking from under a decrepit chamber pot.
Jorian stared at the bizarre apparition for far too long.
“Sacrilege! Burn the vermin-“
Buuuuurp!!!!
The overpowering stench of rotten meat, booze and gods knew what else hit Jorian like a sledgehammer. The congregation stared in utter stupefaction as the pastor fell on his butt, retching.
Oh merciful nine. Its breath is worst than its ass stench!
The ratkin staggered away from Jorian, and hiccuped. It rubbed at its belly lazily. Its eyes fixated on the broken Holy Gourd.
“SQUEEEEK!” It shrieked. It fell on its knees, vigorously licking at the Holy Water. After about ten seconds, it simply stared and sobbed in squeaky misery.
“By the Nine, it’s drunk!” Someone yelled.
“NO,” Jorian raged. “It’s not drunk. It’s part of a ritual. Beware the foul power of the Crone! Guards! Get the guards!”
The ratkin blinked, and finally focused on the humans. It tilted its head this way and that way, like it couldn’t quite believe what it saw. It crossed hairy arms, frowning. “Squeek squeek... squeek ... squeeek.” It nodded languidly, too drunk to move its head properly.
The ratkin scuttled over to the first bench. The villagers on it quickly departed. With another hiccup and a fart, the ratkin lay on the bench and snored even before its dirty snout hit the wood.
Jorian simply couldn’t believe it. Are the Nine testing my faith?
Gaba the Old, covered her mouth, guffawing into it. “Dunno Pastor Jorian, it looks drunk as a skunk to me.” She sniffed the air. “Stinks like a drunk too.”
Jorian gathered his dignity and stiffened his spine. “Kill it already. It has violated the sanctity of this holy domicile!”
“Oh shut it, Jorian,” Gaba snapped. “It’s no threat to anyone. We’ll lock it up and find out what it’s doing out here.”
Stupid woman! The personification of the Old Crone, for sure! Allowing ratkin vermin to live! Heresy!
“Then we kill it,” Jorian snarled.
“Maybe,” Gaba replied, expression stony and unyielding. “I might actually thank it. At my age, I appreciate a little interruption to your overzealous dribble. Sometimes I think you’re two-thirds hot wind.”
Jorian flushed hotly.
“Why is it wearing a flower apron?” someone asked.
“Beats me,” Gaba replied before smirking. “ What I want to know is how it kept the chamber pot from popping off its head when it hit the ground.”
More laughter.
Gaba walked over to the dais. She sniffed the flagstones with the broken gourd. Her expression soured. “Jorian, why is the Holy Gourd full of my home brewed brandy instead of Holy Water?”
======================================
So, there you have it. That's a CONTENT edit. A long and tedious process if you do so in a book. After this sort of edit, it goes into line editing and finally into proofreading. A professional work may be proofread about 4-7 different times, by different people of the same company.
What I did revolved around maintaining Jorian's point of view. I tried to remove weak verbs, telling, and passive constructs by inserting dialogue and internal monologues.
As a rule of thumb, let Was(is)/were(are)/...to be/had/ relatively alone during dialogue. During narration and non-dialogue, get rid of them as best you can.
Most aspiring writers might want to focus on the list of mistakes. I KNOW you will find these mistakes somewhere in your writing. I'm going re-post the mistakes and add a few more common ones.
1. POV errors – The point of view changes depending on the character, within the same scene. It jumps.
2. Passive constructs – In action, avoid passive constructs. It drags down pacing.
3. Weak verbs (was/were/had/’to be’) – Try to avoid these verbs as much as possible. They drag pacing, a lot.
4. Telling instead of showing. I TELL you details instead of SHOWING you details. Awful amateur writing.
5. Flag posting. When an author provides an unnecessary introduction/ lead-in sentence.
6. Action hidden behind words/wordy sentences.
7. Floating dialogue. - Dialogue without identifiers. Who said what? How did they say it?
8. Name switching – Keep the name constant in a scene. If it’s Peter, keep it as Peter unless you have very indicative markers so that the reader knows who is who.
9. Info dumps - When the narrator drops huge blocks of explanations in the middle of the story. Suuuuuuper pacing killers.
10. Homonyms - Similar words with different meanings (quiet/quit/quite), (to/too), (loose/lose).
11. Lack of character voice (This one is VERY tough to fix) - Protagonists should have their own 'voice'.
Examples of voice:
"Tally ho, good sir. May I presume such a fabulous knife belongs to you?"
"I reckon that knife kin'da yours? Ain't that right?"
"Hey man, is that knife yours?"
"Oh, precious. We sees the shinny knife. Is it yours? Is it ours? Gollum! Gollum!"
rabid
I've had people ask for advice about editing and books and such (The poor fools). So I thought, why not offer an example of editing?
One of my old posts in The Rat Bastard is ... awful. I mean horrible as a heart attack. Some people might not understand why I say that. So, perhaps I can help aspiring authors by conducting a thorough edit of the small post. This will take them through the step by step process of what you should expect when a real EDITOR does a CONTENT edit.
First, the original text.
-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Pastor Jorian was having a day of horrors.
He’d been in the middle of mass when a ratkin had attacked him! In his own church! The nerve of the creature! It had pounced from the rafters (Some villagers might say it had fallen).
For a few moments, the pastor had frozen in disbelief as he found himself winded and under the foul smelling vermin. He blamed his hesitation on the pink flower apron it wore like a cape. If not the apron, than the chamber pot on top of its head. The whole getup was bizarre!
The ratkin seemed disoriented, but Jorian’s duty was clear.
“Sacrilid…!”
The ratkin opened its snout and BUUURRRRP!
The overpowering stench of rotten meat, booze and gods knew what else hit Jorian like a sledgehammer. The congregation stared in utter stupefaction as the pastor fell on his butt, retching.
The ratkin rubbed its belly before its eyes opened wide in horror. No, it was not staring at the village folk, it was staring at the broken gourd and the spilled Holy Water on the flagstones.
“SQUEEEEK!” It shrieked. It fell on its knees and licked at the Holy Water off the floor before breaking into squeaky sobs.
“By the Nine, it looks drunk!” Someone said.
“NO,” Jorian said. “It’s not drunk. It’s part of a ritual. Beware the foul power of the Crone.”
Calls for guards were heard.
Kat blinked as he finally focused on the many … but many humans.
“What a horrible nightmare,” he muttered. It couldn’t be anything else. Maybe if he went to sleep in the dream he would wake up and everything would be better.
The villagers only heard, “Squeek … squeek … squeek … squeek.”
The ratkin scuttled over to the first bench. The villagers on it quickly departed. With a hiccup and a fart, Kat lay on the bench and was snoring even before its dirty snout hit the wood.
Gaba the Old couldn’t stifle a guffaw, “Dunno Pastor, it looks drunk as a skunk to me. Stinks like a drunk too.”
The Pastor stared at the snoring vermin, “Kill it already. It has violated the sanctity of this holy domicile.”
Gaba barked, “Oh shut it, Jorian. It’s no threat to anyone like that. We’ll lock it up and find out what it’s doing out here.”
“Then we kill it,” Jorian said with a snarl.
“Maybe,” Gaba replied with little inclination. Jorian had been rambling for over half a candlemark. At her age, the village elder could appreciate a timely interruption of the man’s overzealous dribble.
“Why is it wearing a flower apron?” a third asked.
“Beats me. What I want to know is how it kept the chamber pot from popping off its head when it hit the ground.” Gaba walked over to the front. She sniffed the flagstones with the broken gourd. “Jorian, why is the gourd full of -MY- brandy instead of Holy Water?”
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Apart from punctuation, these are the mistakes I noticed right off-the-bat.
1. POV errors – The point of view changes depending on the character. It jumps.
2. Passive constructs – In action, avoid passive constructs. It drags down pacing.
3. Weak verbs (was/were/had/’to be’) – Try to avoid these verbs as much as possible. They drag pacing, a lot.
4. Telling instead of showing. I TELL you details instead of SHOWING you details. Awful amateur writing.
5. Flag posting. When an author provides an unnecessary introduction/ lead-in sentence.
6. Action hidden behind words/wordy sentences.
7. Floating dialogue. - Dialogue with confusing identifiers. Who said what?
8. Name switching – Keep the name constant in a scene. If it’s Peter, keep it as Peter unless you have very indicative markers so that the reader knows who is who.
I’m not going to conduct a perfect edit, but let’s work on these basic errors. Let’s start MARKING the possible errors.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=---==--==-=-=-=-
Marking the mistakes.
Pastor Jorian was having a day of horrors. (#3, #4, #5)
He’d been in the middle of mass when a ratkin had attacked him! (#4) In his own church! The nerve of the creature! It had pounced from the rafters (#4)(Some villagers might say it had fallen) (#1).
For a few moments, the pastor had frozen (#3, #5, #6)in disbelief as he found himself winded and under the foul smelling vermin. He blamed his hesitation on the pink flower apron it wore like a cape. If not the apron, than the chamber pot on top of its head. The whole getup was bizarre! (#3)
The ratkin seemed disoriented, but Jorian’s duty was (#3) clear.
“Sacrilid…!” (- error here … should be a - )
The ratkin opened its snout and (error remove ‘and’ finish the sentence) BUUURRRRP!
The overpowering stench of rotten meat, booze and gods knew what else hit Jorian like a sledgehammer. The congregation stared in utter stupefaction as the pastor fell on his butt, retching. (This can use a tiny bit of trimming)
The ratkin rubbed its belly before its eyes opened wide in horror (#4). No, it was (#3) not staring at the village folk, it was staring (#3) at the broken gourd and the spilled Holy Water on the flagstones.
“SQUEEEEK!” It shrieked. It fell on its knees and licked at the Holy Water off the floor before breaking into squeaky sobs.
“By the Nine, it looks drunk!” Someone said.
“NO,” Jorian said. “It’s not drunk. It’s part of a ritual. Beware the foul power of the Crone.”
Calls for guards were heard. (#3, #2)
Kat blinked as he finally focused on the many … but many humans. (#1 Changed from Jorian to Kat POV)
“What a horrible nightmare,” he muttered. (#7 Who muttered? There are many ‘he’ available) It couldn’t be anything else. Maybe if he went to sleep in the dream he would wake up and everything would be (#3) better.
The villagers only heard, “Squeek … squeek … squeek … squeek.” (#1 Deity/narrator point of view?)
The ratkin scuttled over to the first bench. The villagers on it quickly departed. With a hiccup and a fart, Kat (#1 Ratkin point of view?) lay on the bench and was snoring(#3) even before its(#1 Does Kat thing of himself as It? Who is expressing this sentiment?) dirty snout hit the wood.
Gaba the Old couldn’t stifle a guffaw (#1, #4 How couldn’t she stifle a guffaw? Covered her mouth, what?), “Dunno Pastor, it looks drunk as a skunk to me. Stinks like a drunk too.”
The Pastor (#8) stared at the snoring vermin, “Kill it already. It has violated the sanctity of this holy domicile.”
Gaba barked, “Oh shut it, Jorian. It’s no threat to anyone like that. We’ll lock it up and find out what it’s doing out here.”
“Then we kill it,” Jorian said with a snarl. (Clunky. Jorian SNARLED, is better)
“Maybe,” Gaba replied with little inclination(#4. What does ‘little inclination mean? How does it manifest). Jorian had been rambling (#1 Gaba POV, #3, #4) for over half a candlemark. At her age, the village elder could appreciate a timely interruption of the man’s overzealous dribble.
“Why is it wearing a flower apron?” a third asked.
“Beats me. What I want to know is how it kept the chamber pot from popping off its head when it hit the ground.” Gaba walked over to the front. She sniffed the flagstones with the broken gourd. “Jorian, why is the gourd full of -MY- brandy instead of Holy Water?”
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
As you can see, a small dialogue intensive post with over 20 to 30 rookie mistakes. We aren't even counting the spelling errors. So, let's REWRITE/EDIT this.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Correcting the mistakes
A Holy Gourd shattered in front of Pastor Jorian. A prayer to the nine froze on his lips. He looked up, eyes widening. A ratkin fell on him like a ton of bricks.
Attacked! In my own church!
He screamed, only to have the stench of the creature crawl down his throat like a nightmare.
Its ass! Its ass is on my mouth!
Jorian pushed the vermin off him with another scream. His heart pounded so rapidly it threatened to burst out of his chest. He scrambled back and stared.
The ratkin tried to stand, but slipped to its knees. A large fat tail poked from under a pink and flower apron. It scratched at a furry ear, poking from under a decrepit chamber pot.
Jorian stared at the bizarre apparition for far too long.
“Sacrilege! Burn the vermin-“
Buuuuurp!!!!
The overpowering stench of rotten meat, booze and gods knew what else hit Jorian like a sledgehammer. The congregation stared in utter stupefaction as the pastor fell on his butt, retching.
Oh merciful nine. Its breath is worst than its ass stench!
The ratkin staggered away from Jorian, and hiccuped. It rubbed at its belly lazily. Its eyes fixated on the broken Holy Gourd.
“SQUEEEEK!” It shrieked. It fell on its knees, vigorously licking at the Holy Water. After about ten seconds, it simply stared and sobbed in squeaky misery.
“By the Nine, it’s drunk!” Someone yelled.
“NO,” Jorian raged. “It’s not drunk. It’s part of a ritual. Beware the foul power of the Crone! Guards! Get the guards!”
The ratkin blinked, and finally focused on the humans. It tilted its head this way and that way, like it couldn’t quite believe what it saw. It crossed hairy arms, frowning. “Squeek squeek... squeek ... squeeek.” It nodded languidly, too drunk to move its head properly.
The ratkin scuttled over to the first bench. The villagers on it quickly departed. With another hiccup and a fart, the ratkin lay on the bench and snored even before its dirty snout hit the wood.
Jorian simply couldn’t believe it. Are the Nine testing my faith?
Gaba the Old, covered her mouth, guffawing into it. “Dunno Pastor Jorian, it looks drunk as a skunk to me.” She sniffed the air. “Stinks like a drunk too.”
Jorian gathered his dignity and stiffened his spine. “Kill it already. It has violated the sanctity of this holy domicile!”
“Oh shut it, Jorian,” Gaba snapped. “It’s no threat to anyone. We’ll lock it up and find out what it’s doing out here.”
Stupid woman! The personification of the Old Crone, for sure! Allowing ratkin vermin to live! Heresy!
“Then we kill it,” Jorian snarled.
“Maybe,” Gaba replied, expression stony and unyielding. “I might actually thank it. At my age, I appreciate a little interruption to your overzealous dribble. Sometimes I think you’re two-thirds hot wind.”
Jorian flushed hotly.
“Why is it wearing a flower apron?” someone asked.
“Beats me,” Gaba replied before smirking. “ What I want to know is how it kept the chamber pot from popping off its head when it hit the ground.”
More laughter.
Gaba walked over to the dais. She sniffed the flagstones with the broken gourd. Her expression soured. “Jorian, why is the Holy Gourd full of my home brewed brandy instead of Holy Water?”
======================================
So, there you have it. That's a CONTENT edit. A long and tedious process if you do so in a book. After this sort of edit, it goes into line editing and finally into proofreading. A professional work may be proofread about 4-7 different times, by different people of the same company.
What I did revolved around maintaining Jorian's point of view. I tried to remove weak verbs, telling, and passive constructs by inserting dialogue and internal monologues.
As a rule of thumb, let Was(is)/were(are)/...to be/had/ relatively alone during dialogue. During narration and non-dialogue, get rid of them as best you can.
Most aspiring writers might want to focus on the list of mistakes. I KNOW you will find these mistakes somewhere in your writing. I'm going re-post the mistakes and add a few more common ones.
1. POV errors – The point of view changes depending on the character, within the same scene. It jumps.
2. Passive constructs – In action, avoid passive constructs. It drags down pacing.
3. Weak verbs (was/were/had/’to be’) – Try to avoid these verbs as much as possible. They drag pacing, a lot.
4. Telling instead of showing. I TELL you details instead of SHOWING you details. Awful amateur writing.
5. Flag posting. When an author provides an unnecessary introduction/ lead-in sentence.
6. Action hidden behind words/wordy sentences.
7. Floating dialogue. - Dialogue without identifiers. Who said what? How did they say it?
8. Name switching – Keep the name constant in a scene. If it’s Peter, keep it as Peter unless you have very indicative markers so that the reader knows who is who.
9. Info dumps - When the narrator drops huge blocks of explanations in the middle of the story. Suuuuuuper pacing killers.
10. Homonyms - Similar words with different meanings (quiet/quit/quite), (to/too), (loose/lose).
11. Lack of character voice (This one is VERY tough to fix) - Protagonists should have their own 'voice'.
Examples of voice:
"Tally ho, good sir. May I presume such a fabulous knife belongs to you?"
"I reckon that knife kin'da yours? Ain't that right?"
"Hey man, is that knife yours?"
"Oh, precious. We sees the shinny knife. Is it yours? Is it ours? Gollum! Gollum!"
rabid
