|
Post by grävling on May 15, 2017 18:20:09 GMT -5
s/in against/against/ s/Conflict Score/to the Conflict Score/
|
|
|
Post by grävling on May 17, 2017 8:29:33 GMT -5
Repeating 'damage' here clunks. s/to cause severe damage/destruction/
|
|
|
Post by grävling on May 17, 2017 8:45:08 GMT -5
s/in/to/ s/black market/Black Market/ s/you could not otherwise/that you otherwise could not/ I first thought to fix this as 'could not otherwise purchase' so that's why there is an empty box there. However, I suspect that this should be rewritten to say 'buy and sell contraband goods -- forbidden to you in the regular exchange, either because you lack the required Faction trade permit, or because local Trade Law prohibits all trafficking in the good.'
|
|
|
Post by fallen on May 17, 2017 9:48:19 GMT -5
Thxfixed.
|
|
|
Post by grävling on May 19, 2017 5:32:00 GMT -5
both of them s/local Faction/the local Faction/
|
|
|
Post by grävling on May 19, 2017 5:51:26 GMT -5
s/in Conflict/in a Conflict/ (otherwise it reads like 'strike a blow in anger')
|
|
|
Post by grävling on May 19, 2017 6:49:04 GMT -5
Explosions don't leak. s/and leaked into the next/and caused structural failure in the next/
|
|
|
Post by grävling on May 19, 2017 12:47:14 GMT -5
s/career as/career as a/
|
|
|
Post by fallen on May 19, 2017 14:50:50 GMT -5
Thanks, all fixed.
Sorry you dislike "leaked" -- but that is staying.
|
|
|
Post by grävling on May 19, 2017 15:15:45 GMT -5
Explosions don't leak. I could help with whatever it is that you are trying to say if I understood it better. When something rips through a container, you can cause things in that container to leak onto other containers, is that what you are trying to say?
|
|
athios
Templar
[ Star Traders 2 Supporter ]
Posts: 1,611
|
Post by athios on May 22, 2017 0:45:42 GMT -5
What about "spread into the next" compartment?
|
|