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Post by grävling on May 3, 2019 17:57:02 GMT -5
The whole thing is better said as: We not only bear the responsibility to protect Military Adviser so-and-so on her tour of duty, but also to help install her in a permanent ... s/local brass/the local brass/
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Post by grävling on May 3, 2019 18:06:15 GMT -5
s/They/Did they/
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Post by grävling on May 3, 2019 19:25:00 GMT -5
This is better rewritten with the third sentence first. The you don't need Prisoner in the first sentence. We are here to take custody of Prisoner Valotte. She is being held in isolated confinement on <wherever>, only visited by medical PERSONNEL. We must transport her ... so 'personnel' is mispelled in addition to the 'Prisoner' thing.
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Post by grävling on May 3, 2019 19:34:23 GMT -5
I think you wanted 'psychological and physiological' here, or maybe 'physical and psychological'.
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Post by grävling on May 3, 2019 19:39:04 GMT -5
s/phased/fazed/
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Post by grävling on May 3, 2019 19:49:44 GMT -5
These two screens are a sort of conversation, but the sides don't match. You either want the first one to say 'Do you have any more lucrative work for me, Warden?' Or the second one needs to say: 'I will have some, but you must be patient.' s/high profile/high-profile/ note that the elipsis '...' should not break in the middle, with two dots on one line and the last on the next. This may be hard to fix, though, if the problem is that some formatting program doesn't know about elipses.
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Post by grävling on May 3, 2019 19:56:07 GMT -5
Is it 'a little more of value' or 'a little of more value' or even 'something of value' or 'something of more value' ?? s/of the shock trooper/from the shock trooper/
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Post by fallen on May 3, 2019 21:55:50 GMT -5
thsnkas fixed
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