Post by Vae Victus on Apr 23, 2016 0:42:29 GMT -5
Minor Text Issues for Prime: Drop Zone
"The air is full of stench of burning..."
should be:
"The air is full of the stench of burning..."
OR
"The air is full of a burning stench..."
OR EVEN (though this seems to be different from your usual style)
"A burning stench fills the air..."
Grammatical/Style Suggestion:
OLD
"as close as he could, as the Xeno...are already erecting their defenses..."
TO
"as close as he could, because the Xeno... are already erecting defenses...
*Edited to add:
After capturing the first tact point:
"The main of their forces..."
TO
"The main body of their attack force..."
OR
"Their main attack force will be..."
"The air is full of stench of burning..."
should be:
"The air is full of the stench of burning..."
OR
"The air is full of a burning stench..."
OR EVEN (though this seems to be different from your usual style)
"A burning stench fills the air..."
Grammatical/Style Suggestion:
OLD
"as close as he could, as the Xeno...are already erecting their defenses..."
TO
"as close as he could, because the Xeno... are already erecting defenses...
*Edited to add:
After capturing the first tact point:
"The main of their forces..."
TO
"The main body of their attack force..."
OR
"Their main attack force will be..."
