Post by Vae Victus on Apr 30, 2016 23:07:35 GMT -5
PC Normal Difficulty 2.1.13
When the Third Tact Point is taken: OLD "...we only need to more" TO "...we only need two more."
Stratos: Research Hall "keeping the other survivors alive would grant" TO "keeping the other survivors alive will grant" WHY Grammatical reasons. The former is incorrect grammatically.
Tech Tree Stealth Operative 3 It contains "Reactor Jolt and one other ordnance" The other tech tree entries spell out what the other ordnance is, so this should probably be "Reactor Jolt and Null Cloak"
Last Edit: May 1, 2016 0:05:21 GMT -5 by Vae Victus
fallen : Great to hear! Sorry for the churn, but here are some more I found after starting a new game specifically to experience the revisions you have done to the first 5 levels since I played them in January (I think you have improved them a great deal):
2.1.13 Text Correction Suggestions
Deck 14: Alta Sector
1. "...any xeno that comes too near a tactical point" TO "...any xeno that comes too close to a tactical point" 22,000 google hits for "comes too near" 110,000 google hits for "comes too close"
"...handle the responsibility of battlefield promotions" TO "...handle responsibility for battlefield promotions" OR "...I have responsibility for battlefield promotions"
Deck 14: Power Relay Grid
1. "Whenever a Scout has... their Levianthans null field generator interferes with the xeno detection ability" TO (add an apostrophe and a period) "Whenever a Scout has... their Levianthan's null field generator interferes with the xeno detection ability."
2. "Ordnance are special items that we can use during a deploy..." TO "Ordnance are special items that we can use during a deployment..." NOTE (I realize you may want to use the term "deploy" since the game icon says "Deploy"... perhaps then "deploy" should be capitalized as "Deploy" when it is being used as a proper noun or adjective (admittedly, Deploy is a verb...). www.getitwriteonline.com/archive/011309capitalizationinsentences.htm
3. (as a side note: I like the camera shake effect on this level!)
Alien Vessel: Counter Attack
1. "Shalun favors the brave, Templars! be ready to stand against its elite guard." TO "Shalun favors the brave, Templars! be ready to stand against the Xeno's elite guard." NOTE as it currently reads, it seems that we are standing against Shalun's elite guard.
2. "The champion among the aliens will come to us..." TO "The alien's champion will come to us" OR "The alien's champion will come against us" OR "The champion of the aliens will come to us" (disfavored) OR "The champion of the aliens come against us" (disfavored) OR "The Xeno's champion will come to us..." OR "The Xeno's champion will come against us"
Last Edit: May 3, 2016 23:45:04 GMT -5 by Vae Victus
"They don't belong here, they are near metallic ..." TO "They don't belong here, they are almost metallic ..." (OR partly metallic) (OR mostly metallic) OR "They don't belong here; they are near-metallic..." NOTE Are you trying to avoid all contractions, or some contractions? Would you like us to point out contractions that we discover in the text?
"As this ship won't be in one piece to analyze" TO "Since this ship won't be in one piece to analyze"
"We're taking it straight to the core of this xeno carrier." TO "We're taking it straight to the core of this Xeno carrier." NOTE I think you have been capitalizing Xeno in these circumstances, though I suppose it could go either way--I am not entirely certain if my recollection on this issue is correct.
"Scout, we'll need you taking point." TO "Scout, we'll need you to take point." OR "Scout, we will need you to take point." OR "Scout, you will take take point." NOTE: An optional fix, but I think it sounds better and is more correct to eliminate the -ing.
"My sensorkit is struggling, Captain... the xeno core is still discernable. Its dead north" (missing a period and an apostrophe) TO "My sensorkit is struggling, Captain... the Xeno Core is still discernable. It is dead north." (or alternatively, put the apostrophe in Its)
Safe Zone after the Tutorial
"It's a risk on their side..." TO "It's a risk for them..." OR "It's a risk they undertake..." OR "They're undertaking a big risk..." OR "They are undertaking a great risk..." NOTE Risk on their side is a colloquialism... literally it also means it's a risk on their physical body side or their side of the map/court/etc., so it does not seem to be precisely what is meant in the situation.
Cut Scene before Ferari Lance
OLD "raked by the Terrox guns it vented..." (or something along those lines) NEW Add a comma after "Terrox guns" and before "it vented"
Last Edit: May 5, 2016 22:29:21 GMT -5 by Vae Victus