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Post by MTKnife on Nov 6, 2021 19:49:36 GMT -5
From the Templar Paladin:
"We slew terrox and narvidian...."
I think both of those should be capitalized, and "Narvidian" has an "-s" when plural in other places.
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Post by MTKnife on Nov 6, 2021 19:50:00 GMT -5
After securing the Avengent:
"We've secure the site...."
That should be "secured".
Then:
"The jyeeta have been annihilated...."
Should be "Jyeeta".
There's another reference to "jyeeta carrier" a few sentences later.
Later in that same sentence:
"the biggest void-snake ship we've seen this yet"
Delete the "this".
There are other cases of "jyeeta" uncapitalized as well, later in the story.
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Post by MTKnife on Nov 6, 2021 20:06:59 GMT -5
In one of the Avengent dialogs:
"If there was such a thing as the head of the jyeeta brood, that is it."
Both verbs should be "was" or "is".
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Post by MTKnife on Nov 6, 2021 20:22:09 GMT -5
Strangely, in a later dialog Fairfield capitalized "Lineages"--it's not capitalized elsewhere in the game (e.g., the dialogs with Brokstrom).
He does it again in the next dialog, as does the Paladin.
In that latter dialog:
"The entire tale, in extreme detail is...."
There needs to be a comma after "detail".
Oh, and I enjoyed this extension of the Jyeeta story--makes the whole thing a lot more rewarding than it was the last time I went through it. I don't understand what Fairfield meant about the blade he gives you being "for a pilot", though.
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Post by MTKnife on Nov 6, 2021 21:08:52 GMT -5
Earlier in the Jyeeta story, from the Paladin (thought I had posted this one but I hadn't):
"We slew terrox and narvidian...."
I think both of those should be capitalized, and "Narvidian" has an "-s" when plural in other places.
Later:
"We're thankful for their showing of strength."
That should be "show".
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Post by MTKnife on Nov 9, 2021 23:07:58 GMT -5
Azeut Molt:
"I will be return to the starport...."
Delete the "be".
And ugh, plague starts like two months after Jyeeta....
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Post by fallen on Nov 16, 2021 10:28:18 GMT -5
Oh, and I enjoyed this extension of the Jyeeta story--makes the whole thing a lot more rewarding than it was the last time I went through it. I don't understand what Fairfield meant about the blade he gives you being "for a pilot", though. Updated the line to "human pilot" ... "Not for a mech, but for the human pilot." |
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Post by fallen on Nov 16, 2021 10:29:18 GMT -5
Azeut Molt: "I will be return to the starport...." Delete the "be". And ugh, plague starts like two months after Jyeeta.... This galaxy can't get a break! All fixed |
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