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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2013 6:50:23 GMT -5
I know this probably the last thing on Cory's to-do list, but there are a couple of grammatical errors in the tutorial briefing. Seeing as this is the first thing new players will see of the game, it could give them a bad impression. I've copied the original text, made a technically correct version as similar to the original as possible (which might not flow very well), and added a personal suggestion as an alternative.
So, here goes:
Original text: 'Like move Templar forward above, however something must be said before the Templar will move'
Grammatically correct: 'Like moving the Templar foward as mentioned above, however, something must be said before the Templar can move'
Personal suggestion: 'You may move the selected Templar forward to this position to trigger a dialogue'
Original text: 'Like move Templar forward and trigger an event. In this case, complete this Tutorial'
Grammatically correct: 'Like moving the Templar forward, but also triggering an event simultaneously. In this case, it will complete the tutorial.'
Personal suggestion: 'You may move the selected Templar forward to this position to trigger an event. In this scenario moving here will complete the tutorial.'
Another typo:
Original Text: 'Fleet will not pick up a...'
Correction: 'The fleet will not pick up a...'
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Post by Cory Trese on Jan 13, 2013 12:30:40 GMT -5
This is the current text in the tutorial.
I'm not trying to be difficult, but I couldn't find the text you put in "original text"
It is possible Andrew edited this already, but I don't see a record of that.
Let me know -- maybe we're talking about different things?
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Excellent work. You have just issued your first Movement order to a Templar Knight.
Corners and intersections are of critical importance to warriors in Leviathan armor. Our ability to use heavy weapons in low gravity depends on the Battle Suit's internal gyroscopic compensators.
You have nearly reached the objective and I have exhausted my Leviathan Suit's Action Points (AP.)
We must work as a squad. The Leviathan Battle Suit is an incredible weapon, but only in the hands of a Templar Squad. Faced with mutants and xenoforms a single Templar will be defeated by sheer numbers.
This area is infested with xenoforms. Many types of xenoforms have been recorded by the Fleet. None are intelligent and all are highly aggressive and dangerous to human life.
Xenoforms are most dangerous to Templar Warriors when they can attack from behind. Use your Squad to control the xenoforms.
Templars must defeat the Alien with skill and tactics, not raw firepower.
Use interlocking fields of fire to maximize your Templar's combat abilities.
Each of the Templar Warriors on your squad is commanded the same way. You can switch between them by clicking on the portraits on the left side of your screen.
We need to ensure we take up advantageous positions at each corner and intersection when faced with xenoforms. Our Leviathan Battle Suits are most vulnerable when attacked from the side or behind.
Continue to move me, the Captain, towards the objective located to the North.
The systems that power the Leviathan can only generate so much energy every minute. Part of our tactical training as Templar Warriors is mastery of that energy. As we grow in skill we may learn to get more action out of equipment.
Press the "Next Turn" button to regenerate your Action Points (AP.) If any of your Templar Warriors still have AP when you press Next Turn those AP will be converted to Defense.
My defensive AP can be spent to fire and move if a xenoform or other enemy approaches me or another Templar near me.
You will complete this Tutorial if you move one of your Templars into the orange squares. Take this time to experiment with moving your other Templar Warriors.
More than the other Templars on your squad, I am very skilled in hand to hand combat. With my charged Force weapon, I can stand toe to toe with a xenoform. For long range combat, I carry a smaller gauntlet mounted Leviathan gun.
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Post by Cory Trese on Jan 13, 2013 12:30:59 GMT -5
Crap nevermind, BRIEFING not dialog. I'll fix!  |
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Post by fallen on Jan 13, 2013 12:33:06 GMT -5
@jr - thanks a ton! We appreciate the extra effort, and I will roll these into the game for a future release.
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Post by Cory Trese on Jan 13, 2013 12:34:16 GMT -5
done for next release
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2013 16:13:15 GMT -5
Thankyou! It's a pleasure helping! |
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mikelrysk
Hero
[ Heroes of Steel Supporter ]
Posts: 160
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Post by mikelrysk on Feb 5, 2013 22:54:29 GMT -5
Just another typo, reactor is misspelled. ![]() [/img] Attachments:
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