R.I.P. Ol' Turd Lip

[contributor]

Ol' Turd Lip

First Mate
January 2011 - December 2012

I still remember that first trip to De Valtos Prime after we lost my dad. There was no time to mourn him, the SOB. Looking back, I can only laugh at all the things I didn't know. The 4 AUs to deliver dad's last package seemed like the longest trip I would ever make. Once that was done, there were the overwhelming, endless choices (most of which would result in death for us and the crew), the size of the quadrant, the huge responsibility of a captain's uniform and there was nobody to help me through it all, except for you.

I was shaking like a leaf the first time we went to the palace to look for work. You saved me the embarrassment of saluting the sergeant-at-arms and guided me to dad's old benefactors. Once I got that contract I would've left the planet without filling up on water-fuel if not for you. How many times would the crew have launched me out a torpedo tube without you around in the early days? Remember that first trip out of syndicate space? The one when I did forget the water fuel. I'll never forget seeing the Vae Victus lift off from Rift Trading without me. They told me you kept your fist on the ring-leader's neck over a vat of boiling beans until they turned around for me. You always knew just what it would take.

I guess I owe you something of an apology for dumping your carcass on every passing chunk of space rock for the first blonde, brunette or redhead that came along. It wasn't personal, they just had certain irreplaceable skills. And the truth is, I could never really leave you behind. You made me the captain I am today. To this day, I have never lost a mutiny because of what you taught me. While, you might have been sitting in some rusty starport wondering why the pension checks never showed up, I was carrying you in my heart out there in the stars.

And then that new first mate came along with his popped collar. He seemed so badass at first. It's true, he is better looking, gets in less fights, drinks less vudka and smells better than you, but, at the end of the day, I don't think he does a single thing better than you could, and somehow...it just ain't the same without you around buddy.

Ol' Turd Lip you might not have been my best looking, but you were my first, and I will always remember you. Rest in peace you old bastard.


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I know it's been awhile since we lost Ol' Turd Lip, but it's never too late to remember. If you would like to leave your own remembrances below, feel free to do so.

[fallen]

Once I picked myself up off the floor, I was able to Exalt you!

[martyparty]

I always let ol' Turd Lip out in deep space.

[rabidbite]

I think the only Turd Lip I ever wrote about was blasted into atoms by Bonnie. Truly we abuse them.

rabid

[fallen]

I have to say, Turd Lip was one of my first actual drawings of a face, ever. At the time, I was thinking "damn, I'm getting good at this!"

So thank you all for actually taking him in and making him your own, giving him a moniker that I will remember for all of my days, and a hilarious place in my heart. How fond I am, of a man who is simply so ugly!

[slayernz]

Awww, he wasn't ugly - he just had a terrible smell emanating from his upper lip. Good thing that in the vacuum of space, smell doesn't travel. Yes it meant that ole Turdlip spent most of his time either in the airlock - or just outside of it, but he accepted his lot in life. It wasn't a lot, but it was his life after all.

Who woulda realized, that the Prosthetic mustache actually provided oxygen and void-protection for him. The First Cat was so excited about this discovery, it reinforced his belief that he (and all other cats) were immortal gods.