In the Net: Comments

[Officer Genious]

Ok will do thanks for heads up!

Also read the chapter you put up- how many Faces are on the team? Its pluralized when first imtroduced and then named Face as a single person?

[Jamozk Ekhiss]

Just one - I noticed the problem, editing now.

[rabidbite]

Hey J,

I think the word processor is squishing up your paragraphs together.

Apart from that, nice story.

I particularly like the edits to the first post, makes it understandable as well as cool.

rabid

[Jamozk Ekhiss]

I wasn't actually using a word processor - I just typed it straight into the forum. I'll go through and space it out now.

[rabidbite]

No debate. Smooth, cultured, and with an attitude that made it clear they had expertise in both extremes of the negotiation spectrum.

That is a very good sentence. It has: mood, personality and impact.


rabid

[Jamozk Ekhiss]

Thanks! I was trying to get a sentence that would describe the person I had in my head (not literally) without being too blunt with the description, making them sound like the expert they are without really stating exactly how they go about their work.

[Officer Genious]

Sorry it took me so long to catch up, but I'm all caught up now. I like how this guy (Stryker, right?) thinks, and I'm curious to know why Yakashima wants Stryker to lay down and die. Unless there's something else going on that we haven't seen yet? Hmm. Lemme stop there and mumble conspiracy ideas to myself for a while.

Oh, and the "up-close combatant" of the team-- a Thug, Martial Artist, or Gunslinger? I'm just curious because I was reminded of my Los V Hammer-swinging ruffian on one of my games causing chaos... But it could be any other class, really.

[Jamozk Ekhiss]

The up-close figher is a physical guy - he can use melee weapons, gloves or just about anything he can get his hands on to wreak havoc. As long as he can hit it or hit something with it, he's happy.
And Yakashima's vendetta? Well, as far as I know, the majority of its people want him dead because he keeps stealing their code, selling their info and generally attacking their Matrix presence, but there could be an ulterior motive...(Seriously, I don't know for certain - I tend to base each post around an idea for a scene, character or even dialogue line, then just write the rest on the spot, so your mumbled conspiracy theories could turn out right. Only time will tell...)

[Officer Genious]

Naw, that's good! Whatever gets your creative juices flowing! Don't let me distract you if you're in the middle of posting your next story entry, but what inspired this particular story?

[Jamozk Ekhiss]

It actually started out as me writing what was going on in my current game, from my character's point of view - I'd just finished hacking my way through Yakashima's digital presence while they were in a Net War with AzTek, and the terminal really is just down the street from a safehouse (the one in Boston Commons). Then I got the idea for controlling a node and turning it into a digital stronghold, and had a completely separate train of thought where I crafted the whole of the Mars/Yakuza/Bravestar paragraph in my head the night before I wrote the post, and tried to get it here as well as I could remember it.
My next post came purely from the idea of getting shot, and I wrote the rest of that post around the conclusion of the sniper shot. The one after that was actually coming from talking about the fact that Kazuo Ichin gives you a nano-ready medkit with the G-Mech Jacket, despite the fact that they don't work together, and finding that out when I was preparing to take out a target.
Setting up the team is actually something I've been meaning to do in-game for a while, and that coupled with remembering that I haven't seen Ocean's Twelve made me write it into the story.
Killing off the first lead, that was a decision I made because it was the only way I could continue the story, and I just improvised the rest from there.

[fallen]

Great work, keep posting! +1

[rabidbite]

Agree. Keep writing

It takes courage to expose one's writing to the public.

Critics are pretty hefty in amazon.

I admit I'm one of them


rabid

[Jamozk Ekhiss]

Been meaning to get back to writing, and now I have - next post is posted.

[Officer Genious]

I read it- I'm liking the mystery and wondering what's going to happen next! Sorry I'm not commenting as often as I should but I do check for your updates every so often.

[Jamozk Ekhiss]

Don't worry about it - I'm not posting as often. I'll probably be able to next week, but this weekend is probably taken up.