Conversations overheard in the DV Prime Spice Hall

[ntsheep]

Somewhere on Ugolhush,

“Well I'm pretty sure the Cadar gave up Captain. Between the Steel Song ships and those Zengas we came across on our way here it was too much even for them.”

“Yeah Deeks, but I wanted to see if my new holo torp worked.”

“If it did Sir, I'm sure we'll hear about. A giant sausage in the space traffic lanes would be hard to miss. If I may ask, what is it with you teasing Cadar Command with wienies.”

“I lost a bet.”

“You lost a bet?”

“It's a long story,”

The com line began beeping. Ntsheep hit the answer button on his chair,

“Go ahead,”

“Sir its Sarah, we haven't found any tech, but we did find several more cases of Pepsi.”

“WOOOOO HOO! Party tonight in the cargo bay!”

“I also ran into some miners from Syncore. They say the heard the Prince has a special contract for you. Something to do with Clan Javat.”

“Damn I wanted to hang out here for a few days to give Megan time to fix the hyperdrive. Come on back and we'll get ready to leave. See if you can round up a couple Snickers on the way from that one trading post ok love.”

“Would KitKats work, he's out of Snickers. I already checked.”

“Pepsi and KitKats, my mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.”

“What!?” both Deeks and Sarah say at the same time.

[slayernz]

"Rumor has it that somewhere out there is a ship called 'Slayernz Cruiser' or something, but I've trawled the length and breadth of the quadrant and haven't seen one"

"I've heard of that ship - apparently some spacers have been successful at some of the Steel Song ship yards."

"Steel Song ship yards? Isn't the ship named after a Cadari captain?!?"

"Yeah, I've always thought that the Creator had a warped sense of humor"

"Well have you seen one?"

"What, a Slayernz Cruiser? No. Okay, well maybe I saw a picture of one a few years ago whupping the tail of an Alien Hulk, but I'm sure the image was doctored."

"It probably doesn't exist then."

"Sure it does. It must do. I've been coming to this bar for decades, and every now and then someone says they have it and it's good. They say 'Oh you have to get one and it's great for boarding and awesome for gun bunnies and amazing for hauling Rouge'"

"Yeah ... I still think that those captains imbibed just a little too much Spice and Vudka"

"Yeah probably ... speaking of Vudka, I think it's your round"

[ntsheep]

Megan gave Sarah an evil look as the scout crawler drove up the ramp into the cargo bay,

“Please tell me you got the crystals and metal I need or did you just get that damn soda for him you kiss ass.” she said.

“Your just jealous its his rear and not yours I'm kissing, yeah I got the parts.” Sarah said with a laugh.

Megan smiled and replied as she began helping unload the supplies,

“I keep telling you if you need help, come get me. I've got some extra power tools.”

They both laughed and Megan went to close the cargo bay door,

“He's still jumpy after the shock he got from the capacitor you hid in his chair. Plus as weird as he is, he's too old fashioned. He would never go for a threesome.” Sarah said as she opened a can of soda and began to drink it.

“Who said it would be a threesome.” replied Megan with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

[Officer Genious]

I've been meaning to post in this, but I couldn't think of anything. But screw it, here I go:


"Sir, I don't think that ship is going to stop hailing us."

Captain Kilkas sighed. "Oh, fine. Patch this asshole in."

The tactical display flickered green for a moment before a face nebulously hovered until Kilkas was staring right into the hologram's eyes. His eyes noted the badge on the collar of the image-- Thulun. Great. Just... great.

"Hailing the captain of the Javat Cutter, registered as "Daddy's Girl"." Captain Kilkas put on his best bland expression as he answered with the measured calm authority of a Javat captain.

"Speaking."

The Thulun captain-- a big man with a clear dislike of facial hair, eyed Kilka suspiciously. "Daddy's Girl? Seriously?" The Thulun captain's face contorted-- it was hard to raise an eyebrow one purposefully shaved off.

"My daughter named it."

"Err, right. Ahem. I am Officer Barl of the Thulun Royal Fleet, and I demand you shut down your engines and open your cargo bay doors to permit inspection as dictacted by Belix-Hulon II regulation code #113--"

"Yes, well, I can't."

"You can't," repeated Officer Barl with another awkward face contortion to convey confusion. "You can't?"

"No sir." Kilkas shrugged. "The doors were damaged when a pirate attacked us."

"Oh?"

"Yes, I assumed you were coming after the pirate." Kilkas huffily glared at the dead blue eyes of the hologram. "We're fine, no thanks to you. Now if you'll--"

"We can see the damage from here, Captain Kilkas. We still need to board. Under our regulations, we can escort you to the docks below--"

Kilkas's eyes widened, "No no no, he moaned, I'm all ready late on my contract--"

"Or," Barl continued over him, "We can come aboard in a shuttle to inspect your vehicle for proper Thulun verification."

Kilkas sighed. "Oh, very well. Leopir, open the cargo bay doors to these fine gentlemen so we can get out of here."

"Yes, sir."

Barl nodded. "Prepare the shuttle." The holograms clicked off as both parties prepared to meet, face to face, person-to-person. After confirming the Thulun inspectors were aboard his ship, Captain Kilkas seated himself on the bridge to meet this strange captain.

One hour passed. Two.

Captain Kilkas was about to page the cargo crew again when the doors of the bridge slide open to a squad of armed men including the hairless Captain Barl himself. Gunfire echoed distantly, special bullets designed for point-blank flak shots rather than conventional weapons. Kilkas stared for a moment, unable to comprehend the truth, unable to manage more than a weak gurgle of expired air as Captain Barl of the Thulun Fleet put a flak bullet into his chest.

"I believe this conforms to regulation. Someone get Drewdacious the Wide and tell him that our contract is complete and I'll be expecting the money shortly. For now, let's get these damn uniforms off and fly home."

[slayernz]

Major Problem looked at Slayernz with disgust. "Look, I don't know where the hell you've been, or what you've been doing and frankly I don't care, but you've not been here, that's for damned certain!"

Slayernz looked sheepishly at the ground. "I've been around. Well actually that's not completely true. I have been what's the opposite of around ... "

"A square?" Private Moment suggested helpfully

"I've been kinda busy with other things", Slayernz completed, disregarding Private Moment's helpful interjection.

"Okay, I'll bite. What the hell have you been doing"

"Sir," Private moment said even more helpfully, "you specifically said you didn't care where Slayernz had been."

"Don't you have some Xeno's to shoot? Why are you here anyway Private?!?"

"Well sir, you stormed into the bathroom to speak to Slayernz, and well I was brushing my teeth. You know that oral hygiene is really important and ... "

"GET ... OUT!"

Private Moment grabbed his floral toiletry bag and scurried out of the bathroom, leaving the Major and Slayernz alone.

"So Slayernz, what's your story. Where have you been?"

"Well, it's this stupid non-employment thing, Sir. Hey, why am I calling you Sir, I'm not even in your unit - or in the Templar order for that matter ..."

"You'll call me Sir, and you'll do so with respect! Now answer the question"

"Okay so I'm actually job hunting and have been neglecting my duties here in the forum. I have been spending the vast bulk of my time actually applying for jobs, researching companies, tweaking my resume, prepping for interviews and hanging out the laundry"

"Laundry?"

"Yes, sir. I'm now officially domesticated. Wifey is very proud of me and no longer gives me long lists of things to clean and fix around the house. Now I've graduated to 'no list' days"

Major Problem shook his head in an almost sad/embarrassed way. "So what you're saying is that you haven't been around because you've been trying to find a job? What, isn't the forum good enough for you to hang out in even an hour a day? When you were working, you were in the forum for multiple hours at a time."

"Well hmmm, I could have the forum up while I did my day job, but I've been so busy scurrying around the house that I haven't been able to do that recently. It's not that I don't want to, but I haven't even had time to play any games much ..."

"You're unemployed!!! When, pray tell, do you think there would be a BETTER time to play games and loiter in the forums?!?"

Private Moment popped his head through the door "Wednesdays. Definitely Wednesdays"

"GET OUT!!"

"Okay I know, I've gotten distracted by the job hunt, but I'll definitely come back and spend time in the forums again. I do miss here"

"And the games?"

"One thing at a time sir, I'll play games again I promise. I just need to get my crap together."

"Okay - if you're not back in the forums on a regular basis, then I'll just have to find a replacement ... DOG"

[Atlas Screams]

"He did what to his ship?"
"Attached external speakers, sir."
"For what?!"
"He said he wanted to blast electronica at his enemies."
"But space is-"
"A vacuum? Yes, I told him that, sir."
"Well, what did he say?"
"He started making laser noises with his mouth and walked away."

[ntsheep]

"So this one time at space camp I put a torp in my,,,"

[Deleted]

The reference says




but my sexy space chick collector only has:










Sorry, Alyson just needs to do a space movie is all. Continue.

[Brutus Aurelius]

"They call him the Scourge of the Clans"

"Why is that?"

"He bought a lot of fuel during Clan Embargoes."

"That's it?."

"Of course not. He also blew up a few hundred of their ships."


"Why didn't you say that in the first place?"


"Because shouldn't stories be in chronological order?"

"*sighs*"

[fallen]

Great conversational quips - love to see it!

[ntsheep]

Jul 8, 2014 23:28:56 GMT -5 fallen said:

Great conversational quips - love to see it!

I (and everyone else) have been waiting for you and your brother to join in on the fun. Try it, you might like it ;-)

[slayernz]

Slayernz got off the comm link. His crew looked up at him expectantly.

"Well? What's the news cap?"

"You know that I've been hunting for work for a while now right?" The crew nodded and one burst into tears. "Hey now, you don't need to cry over the fact we haven't had employment in the last few months."

"It's not that, Sir. I just bit my tongue eating this Plurky sandwich and it hurts"

"Oh ... that's okay then. Carry on bleeding. Anyway, You know the job hunting has been tough - tough on us all. This last company, they got us doing a presentation! a Presentation of all things. Standing in front of a group of people and talking for an hour on what I can do for the company! Yuck." Slayernz paused a minute to remember just how much babbling had gone down during that interview session. "Next, they got me doing 3 hours worth of psychometric testing! Why?!?"

"Sir, they wanted to find out if you were indeed a cat?"

"Sir, they wanted to see if you were going to run around with armed torps?"

"Sir, they wanted to see if you were desperate?"

"Err, that was a rhetorical question! For heavens sake Jeurgen, they didn't want to know if I was a cat. I'm almost certain that's not what they wanted to find out ... Anyway, I just got off with their Human Resources department, and they want me to work for them!"

"Outstanding, Sir! That's great news!"

"Thanks guys - I thought I'd tell you before I've told anyone else. I only just got the news and you were the first ones I wanted to share the news with. The next round is on me! Peterson, go get your tongue looked at - it's still bleeding"

[ntsheep]

"He found a job!"

"What! Oh crap, that means I lost the bet."

"Your rich! It can't be that bad?"

"I didn't bet him credits, I promised him two thousand twelve packs of crystal pepsi."

"YOU IDOIT!!! Do you realize what he could do once he drinks all that! I have got to warn the Prince and Cadar Command."

"I know, but that last time I didn't think he would or could do it. How was I suppose to know what he wanted two tons of mini wienies for?"

[thulun]

"Aii yah! You pay the money first the. I will let you leave!"

"Rargh argha flavgahshader bloom bah gaga!" ( The man is intoxicated if you under stood what he said, sober up)


" Oh no way, you do not leave my hall without paying for Vodka!"

"I izh an multury agunt uvvv Cadar ennn Thalan, ennn Rechart. I keellle yuuu."

His crew stops him as he throws a punch.

Crew man: "Boss, the 'ell are you doin'? Just pay for the damn drinks!"

Intoxicated man: " Hizzuh swindlar ol leddy! He well liee to de drunks mans! Hissuh a sassy-nation kuntraxr we hireed to keel leddy!"

Barkeeper: "Damn it! Thought they left me alone after 300 years!!!"

The Barkeeper is of course me. I stayed at a spice hall and soon as I left... The Cadar and Rycharts were everywhere.

Intoxicated man: " Follow that manz! We mustard killeee himz!"

The drunk man and his crew of 8 chase me across the plaza as I reach my ship my crew starts the ship and tries to escape.

* chase music comes on *
Try to finish the story, use your imagination!
Intoxicated man: " Raghrd figgle shappo lhgudjiirpt gurddap" (Rough translation: Seriously, go nighty night and get sober!)

[ntsheep]

"He did what!?"

"He surrender."

"It's got to be a trick!"

"It's no trick, he hasn't been seen since."

"Well Cadar must be happy."

"No, they're even more pissed off than before. Half the highest officers died of shock from learning that ntsheep was beat without firing a torp. I've heard that the zone has really gone nuts. All this over chocolate covered turtles."