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Post by grävling on May 6, 2017 21:52:38 GMT -5
Be nice if that could be '1 week has passed'.
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Post by grävling on May 7, 2017 8:44:38 GMT -5
What you have written is gramatically correct, but in meaning it is slightly different than 'we were slowly able to find acceptable compromises' and the latter is what I think you meant.
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Post by grävling on May 7, 2017 9:02:52 GMT -5
There are multiple problems. 'Perserverance' isn't rigid. And you have misspelled it so s/perseverence/perseverance/ Adjectives that go with this word are 'dogged perseverance' and 'determined perseverance' and 'uncompromising perserverance'. But you achieve results _through_ perseverance, not _with_ perseverence. And probably _from_ not _with_ De Valtos -- though it would be more usual to say that the results are advantageous for Javat. Or disadvantageous to de Valtos -- if we really made them get the worst of it. Of course, it may be that the result was favourable for Javat, but neutral for de Valtos .... So: Our forceful and direct demands meet with resistance, but through determined perseverance we are able to achieve an advantageous result for Clan Javat.
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Post by grävling on May 7, 2017 9:12:08 GMT -5
s/Quarantined/Quarantine/ (you need a noun)
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Post by grävling on May 7, 2017 9:21:13 GMT -5
Explosions don't leak. s/The internal/An internal/ s/and leaked into the next/and caused structural failure in the next/
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Post by grävling on May 7, 2017 9:32:26 GMT -5
s/your/you/
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Post by grävling on May 7, 2017 22:13:10 GMT -5
s/the the he Smuggler's Case/the Smuggler's Case he/ s/Retired Explorer's/the Retired Explorer's/ -- but this section would read better if one of 'the Retired Explorer's became his name, Andrew Dal.
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Post by grävling on May 7, 2017 22:44:45 GMT -5
s/native poisonous/poisonous native/ s/Severe/A severe/
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Post by grävling on May 7, 2017 22:45:31 GMT -5
s/Boiling/Broiling/ s/threaten/threaten to cause/
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athios
Templar
[ Star Traders 2 Supporter ]
Posts: 1,611
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Post by athios on May 8, 2017 1:17:34 GMT -5
Basic description for Blockade operation...aggressive action which we damage local economy and is at odds with... ► ...aggressive action that damages the local economy and puts us at odds with... Roving Corsair — Blockade mission description ...desires to see {enemy Faction} pay. ► ...pay for some past transgressions. (gives the mission a bit more context) Roving Corsair — 3rd step description ...where we will put terrorize {enemy Faction} merchants... ► ...where we will terrorize {enemy Faction} merchants... Dusk Op — 1st step description ...must keep the {Agent Name}'s identity... ► ...must keep {Agent Name}'s identity... This appears to be a general issue with many mission descriptions. "The {Job} {Name}" is fine. "The {Job}" is fine. "The {Name}" is not.Lurking Hunter — 1st step name Reverse Bounty sounds kind of odd. Is that a thing? How about Hunting the Hunter? Lurking Hunter — 1st step name ...until we have an opportunity to confront the Bounty Hunter. ► ...until we manage to track down the Bounty Hunter.
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Post by grävling on May 8, 2017 6:21:39 GMT -5
s/site of the spy's crash site/spy's crash site/
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Post by grävling on May 8, 2017 15:04:15 GMT -5
This isn't wrong but 'The De Valtos Syndicate Pirate Captain Gnarsh' is one heck of a mouthful, and having said it in one sentence, there is no need to repeat it again in sentence 2. 'We must end this Pirate's reign.' would be perfect without the repetition.
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Post by fallen on May 8, 2017 21:27:22 GMT -5
Thx fixed!
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Post by grävling on May 9, 2017 12:04:50 GMT -5
s/booster/booster./ (missing period)
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Post by fallen on May 9, 2017 12:06:30 GMT -5
fixed!
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