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Post by grävling on May 3, 2017 23:18:53 GMT -5
s/achieve/obtain/
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Post by grävling on May 3, 2017 23:49:00 GMT -5
It's confusing to use the expression 'make the case' when you are trying to pick up a Transport Case. s/make the case/present the argument/ And I would just drop the 'We are here to retrieve the Transport Case.' -- you really don't know if you are going to be allowed to do that until you have had the meeting. You already said what you want to do. Repeating 'Transport Case' clunks. And the yellow text in 'Threatening Debate' overwrites exisiting text. This duplication of 'Transport Case' really, really, clunks. I'd just drop the 'We are here to deliver the Transport Case.' sentence, too.
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Post by grävling on May 4, 2017 0:10:20 GMT -5
s/bolsters/bolstered/
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Post by grävling on May 4, 2017 11:49:35 GMT -5
I am not sure you wanted the custom difficulty to escape the workshop at all, but it is s/difficult/difficulty/ for all that.
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Post by grävling on May 4, 2017 23:55:15 GMT -5
s/the behalf/behalf/ 'Assist' is the wrong word. The question is, what do you really mean here? 'benefit'? 'support?' 'advance'? 'promote the interests of'? I like 'support' myself. s/Geed's/Rogue's/
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Post by grävling on May 4, 2017 23:59:30 GMT -5
THE ART LOOKS SO MUCH NICER ON THIS DEVICE NOW! Thank you fallen. s/trapped/tapped/ About this 'unable to hide our tracks' -- did we just fail a saving throw? Otherwise, I can tell you, I would rather have 6 rep with Rychart than $480.
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Post by grävling on May 5, 2017 0:06:11 GMT -5
s/a ship's/the ship's/ though I think it would be even better as s/a ship's// (Just say 'wear and tear on components')
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Post by grävling on May 5, 2017 0:20:03 GMT -5
This reads badly when the contact giving the mission is a Fixer. s/fixer/agent/ or do you want 'minion' or 'operative' or 'subordinate'? s/local security/the local security/ (not marked, sorry, only caught it right now) s/Assisting/Supporting/ (or 'benefitting' -- hmm, make that 'benefiting' in the USA)
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Post by grävling on May 5, 2017 0:43:16 GMT -5
I am not sure that 'trawling' is the right word here, but if it is then you are 'trawling for shipping' not 'trawling the orbit'. But what I really think you are doing is not trawling, but intimidating the shippers into staying away. But whatever you decide s/have damage its trade/have damaged its trade/
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Post by grävling on May 5, 2017 0:46:24 GMT -5
s/Mesa, we will lose Rep/Mesa; if we proceed with the trade we will lose Rep/
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Post by grävling on May 5, 2017 5:44:27 GMT -5
There are multiple problems here. You do not want 'substrate' here. That means something else. I think you want 'substance'. Replace with: A caustic, airborne bacterial substance spreads throughout the ship's internal systems.
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Post by grävling on May 5, 2017 5:49:37 GMT -5
s/buckling/buckling,/ (missing comma)
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Post by grävling on May 5, 2017 8:47:00 GMT -5
'from' is the wrong preposition. 'blend' and 'avoiding' need to match in tense, and they don't. s/crew avoiding detection from/crew, and hopefully avoid being detected by/
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Post by grävling on May 6, 2017 8:38:14 GMT -5
s/giving into/giving in to/ but actually the whole sentence clunks. I like "dignitaries, who caved in to our demands." (or gave in) s/achieveing/achieving/ and it is usual to talk about one's standing _improving_ not _increasing_, so s/increased/improved/ It's not exactly wrong as written, but it seems a bit out of place.
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Post by grävling on May 6, 2017 8:42:55 GMT -5
s/stoned-faced/stone-faced/ s/showing up to/willing to/ (He's already shown up at the Spice Hall)
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