Joseph
Consul
I am Cortias!
Posts: 103 
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Post by Joseph on Dec 21, 2016 16:17:28 GMT -5
Hey guys, this is a sneak peek in my work.I work on Tales of Ilirya and there is good stuff coming for the games.What do you think about the short story above? Hey, thank you for tales of Illyria. I have a question. Did somebody make the texts using a speech-to-text program? So far I have only found 2 spelling errors, and both of these are proper names, but there is a fair bit of 'you got a word that sounds a whole lot like the word you wanted, but isn't quite it'... superstitious instead of suspicious, withhold instead of withstand etc. ... I had a long list of them to send you and then, curses, my tablet died and the saved screenshots did as well. I haven't played Illyria in a while, and could probably rediscover them. Is this something you would be interested in? Is this going to take place in Illyria itself, or are you building another world for this story? Hey.My book is based on another world.Please pm me with further details about tales of ilirya bugs.Thank you. |
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Joseph
Consul
I am Cortias!
Posts: 103
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Post by Joseph on Dec 21, 2016 16:35:21 GMT -5
Alone, in the dark.He, Peregrinavast, god of war, god of defence, protector of humanity.In the dark pit, other beings shuffled.Mighty egerians, vyyrans, fallen hytapis, long ago sealed away, never to roam the universe again.He remembered how many had he banished in the pit.Many...over the course of countless eons, he slain so many ancient beings.And now, he, betrayed, by his own brothers and his sisters, had been sealed away, while they plotted the downfall of the Almighty.His gear was still with him, but there was no light.They say time stops once you enter the pit.Not that anyone ever returned to dispute the claims.But, he had plans in motions.He will not give up.He decided to retain his sanity.
"I am Peregrin!"
The others laughed cruelly.
He drew his sword, and pointed it to the sky in defiance.
"I shall return, mark my words!"
He sheated his sword, and knelt in meditation.Had it been eons?Who knew.He drew his sword, and shouted again.
"I am Peregrinavast!"
And his blade erupted in light.A blue, warm light bathed the area.And he saw more light.The others cried in pain, long since forgetting the light, fearing it.
He sensed a portal opening, and he flew to it.
"I am coming home."
He was on a darkened hall, carved in a mountain.The heavy door was trembling as heavy hammers pounded it.He did not touch his power, not yet.The others must not know he is back.He walked to the door, and unlocked it.
"Yes, how may I help you?" he asked pleasantly the group of greenish brutes that fell in.
"Are you lost?Not to mention that you are staining the floor with your drolling."
They stood dumbly, watching him.The attacked, resorting to a primal instinct.He need not touch his powers to deal with them.In short, powerful strokes, he dispatched them.
He exit the hallway, in a blizzard.The universe acknowledged his presence silently, and the blizzard slowed, so he could see.In the sky, a Asurian craft was shooting rune bolts at a vyveryyyn
He recognised the craft in the blink of a way.
It was the "Star of Asuria".
He smiled widely.
"It is going to be fun."
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Post by Officer Genious on Dec 23, 2016 13:44:19 GMT -5
I'm curious as to what everyone thinks of subplots. I'm thinking of adding them to Roach's story, but I'm a little conflicted as to whether it's necessary. I just wanted something to fill the downtime of the main plot. What are your thoughts?
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Post by resistor on Dec 23, 2016 13:54:16 GMT -5
I'm curious as to what everyone thinks of subplots. I'm thinking of adding them to Roach's story, but I'm a little conflicted as to whether it's necessary. I just wanted something to fill the downtime of the main plot. What are your thoughts? If it's interesting and is relevant to the main plot, then I think it could be a good idea. |
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Post by wascalwywabbit on Dec 23, 2016 14:34:29 GMT -5
I'm curious as to what everyone thinks of subplots. I'm thinking of adding them to Roach's story, but I'm a little conflicted as to whether it's necessary. I just wanted something to fill the downtime of the main plot. What are your thoughts? I always like em to flesh out characters and to make em more 3 dimensional. Scene length and transitions can be tricky to get right though. |
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Post by ntsheep on Dec 23, 2016 19:14:30 GMT -5
Officer Genious sub plots can be fun and a great way to move the main story along. You just need to avoid getting lost in them or having to many.
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Post by Officer Genious on Dec 24, 2016 9:44:46 GMT -5
Hmmm, valuable input. Thanks everyone!
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Post by LordofSyn on Jan 6, 2017 21:06:39 GMT -5
Subplots should help string a story along and and low for added character development, regardless of whether they involve your protagonist(s) alone.
I always use and low least one internal conflict subplot and and external subplot per character as the story allows...some are intertwined and some aren't. Many times it can be and looted organically as you flesh out each character and ask questions about them
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Post by Officer Genious on Jan 7, 2017 10:36:47 GMT -5
Subplots should help string a story along and and low for added character development, regardless of whether they involve your protagonist(s) alone. I always use and low least one internal conflict subplot and and external subplot per character as the story allows...some are intertwined and some aren't. Many times it can be and looted organically as you flesh out each character and ask questions about them Interesting perspective. Thanks for the input. I tried out a subplot and it certainly adds something to the story I didn't realize I missed. Now I just have to run with it. |
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Post by Officer Genious on Jan 7, 2017 12:13:17 GMT -5
Officer Genious sub plots can be fun and a great way to move the main story along. You just need to avoid getting lost in them or having to many. This is really just a personal note to myself, but all my research warns me of this very thing and I can sense I'm falling into it too. Note to self-- when done with the story, go back and prune the subplot. "You only need a little spice, not a lot." |
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Post by ntsheep on Jan 7, 2017 12:22:04 GMT -5
1st draft, 2nd draft, 3rd draft, 4th, 5th, 6th,,,,,, keep rewriting until your happy with it. then do it again  |
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Post by tenbsmith on Jan 7, 2017 15:49:16 GMT -5
To paraphrase the sheep, keep rewriting until you'd rather poke your eyes out than look at it again. ;-)
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Post by En1gma on Jan 7, 2017 16:18:15 GMT -5
True story It's not finished until you can't stand the bloody thing anymore. |
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Post by grävling on Jan 8, 2017 15:52:10 GMT -5
True story It's not finished until you can't stand the bloody thing anymore. Alas, I have many things I cannot stand any more, and well, they still aren't finished .... |
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sheff
Star Hero
[ Star Traders 2 Supporter ]
Posts: 503
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Post by sheff on Jan 10, 2017 18:52:13 GMT -5
A good writer knows when they have achieved perfection, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. |
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