Post 9.13 typos now post 9.17

[grävling]

Talking to Max Mercer

Great, since I can afford those. ??? I don't understand this sentence. Do you mean
Great, if only I could afford those. or
Great, like I really can afford any of those. or
This will be great when I can afford those. or
Great. Since I cannot afford any of those. or
Just Great. Why talk to me about these things you so obviously know I cannot afford?
or maybe something else ???

I cannot tell if that was sarcasm or not, but 'cannot afford' seems to go better than 'can afford' with most sarcastic utterances I can think of.

[grävling]

Luka

Odd little English grammar rule. If you use the expression 'not only' you have to finish up with 'but also' not just 'but'. You can stick the 'also' right after the 'but' -- 'but also you must' or you can stick the 'also' in later, near the verb 'but you also must'//'but you must also'. I have no idea why this rule exists. I think that Luka sounds like the sort of person who would use the grammatically correct construction automatically. Also in 'on the lookout' -- lookout is one word So

s/not only must you acquire the most cutting-edge gear in the NBZ you can afford but you must constantly be on the look out for upgrades./Not only must you acquire the most cutting-edge gear that you can afford, but you must also constantly be on the lookout for upgrades./

I also took out 'in the NBZ' -- that poor sentence is ratehr heavily loaded as it was.

s/For a Cyber Knight quality/For a Cyber Knight, quality/
s/nothing less that/nothing less than/

[grävling]

Frederic Flynn
s/keeping asking me/keep asking me/

Actually the whole sentence is a little mixed up. Try:

Do a few jobs for me, and keep asking 'What's next?'. As your reputation increases, I will move you along to something more challenging and lucrative.

s/so you have to/so you will have to/

s/and get jobs/and fulfill jobs/ or /and do jobs/

Possibly the 'Nice to meet you' and first 'What's next' texts need to be integrated. Right now they provide the same information twice. I think we could profitably get rid of most of the current 'Nice to meet you' and replace it with the first 'what's next'. Then the first 'what's next' would say 'you are not ready for more challenging ...' and I think that would be just fine.

[grävling]

Tunnel Guns
s/A higher Penetration and Power rating/Higher Penetration and Power ratings/

He talks about shock gloves and tasers being non-lethal, but he doesn't sell those. Should he mention the Blasta Gun he does sell instead?

[grävling]

Frederic Flynn
s/payed/paid/
s/newbie And/newbie. And/
s/A pick up job/A pick-up-and-deliver job/
s/tell you were/tell you where/
s/and you will drop/and drop/
s/more dangerous for it/but that means they are also more dangerous./

[grävling]

Mallor True conversations
s/with more than 10 MP/with 10 or more MP/ (because 11 is no better than 10, right?)
s/less than 6 HP and MP/fewer than 6 HP or MP/ (note 2 fixes)

s/tread careful/tread carefully/
s/upper-hand/upper hand/
s/high action points/a large number of action points/

Mallor says 'to attack, just tap your enemy. All valid targets will be highlighted in red, so then tap your target.' Don't you mean -- To attack, just tap the 'attack' button? Hmm. Now I see what you mean. I never knew you could tap an enemy instead of the attack button. Now I wonder if this is a good idea. Of course changing this will be rough on the people who are used to doing things this way.

s/increases you chances/increases your chance/ (note 2 fixes)

[grävling]

Heaven Pharma
'Sorry, but you are going to lose a customer today.' -- Should I be so stupid as to proclaim that I am about to murder somebody? Perhaps -- 'And if he comes by, we never had this little conversation, right?' would be better. Heaven can still say she doesn't want to know about our business, and this gives us a tiny hold on Heaven, reminding her that Whitey (or his friends) could find out that she sold him out. In case she has some plan for selling me out in the next 10 minutes and warning Whitey ...

[grävling]

Mallor says (to me, a gunslinger)

If he closes, attack him and then make a short combat move to get out of his range.

This is good advice for a cybersword who needs to attack at range 1. But it is bad advice to give a shooter. A shooter wants to move -- ideally so that the target is at the optimal range for the weapon, but as close as you can get to that and still have enough AP to fire the weapon if you don't have enough AP -- and then shoot the target. That is if the target has initiative on you. If you have initiative on your target, then you want to shoot him now, and then let him close, and then take the short step away from him. Or even a long step if you have enough AP.

Have I explained this well enough? Do you understand what I am saying?

[grävling]

Frederic Flynn
s/'point B.'/'point B'./
s/Cyber Knight, glued/Cyber Knight glued/
s/Nah, its too/Yeah, it's too/ (note 2 changes)
s/cut and dry/cut and dried/
s/its all about keeping/it's all about keeping/
s/It's the most important/That's the most important/

[grävling]

Mallor True
s/done for lecturing now/done with lecturing for now/
s/, and the owner/. The owner/
s/drop you near the tunnel/drop you near the vault/

[grävling]

In the vault

It has much better Impact rating

There is no such thing as an Impact rating.
The Jacket with Plates has Ballistics: 5 and Deflection: 3.
This is the same as my Armor Jacket. But my Armor Jacket has Dodge: 0 rather that Dodge -1 for the Jacket with Plates. So my armor is nicer.

So I think instead I should say:

I should open the package and then compare the armor with the armor I am wearing. If it is better armor, I should wear it. And if not, then it will fetch a nice price when I sell it at the Tunnel Guns pawn shop.

s/get out of dodge/get out of Dodge/ (because it is the name of the Western town)

The computer found still is the 3500Y cheapie, which Mallor still mistakes for one costing 10,000Y or more.

[grävling]

Mercer conversations
s/sets it internals/sets its internals/
s/So you can never/You can never/ (too many 'So's in this conversation)

s/learned a lot by his hand/learned a lot through his instruction/
(or maybe something else. But not 'by his hand'. You can be killed by somebody's hand, or cheated, or possibly even -- though this stretches things -- be taught by his hand, but learning is something that, by definition, you have to do by your own hand. Which is why you can be taught, but not 'learned'. Some languages use the same word for teaching and learning, with the idea that this is a mutual process, but English is not one of them.)
/I have benefitted from his wisdom and experience/ perhaps

[grävling]

ExoSuit description
s/Constructed of nanoceramic materials this type of body armor is still, however remains/Although constructed of nanoceramic materials this type of body armor remains/

[grävling]

Frederic Flynn
s/Cause I need you/'Cause I need you/ (without the apostrophe, you say cause, rhymes with pause, clunk)
s/their street/their streets/

s/25 Reputation, and then I will trust you/25 Reputation I will begin to trust you/

This is a great thing to say. This is the wrong place for it. It is in the 'cool down jobs' section, for after the Vault. But unless you were hellishly eager, ignoring Mallor who warned you to get better gear for that mission, you have already been doing escort missions for some time now. So this is a great section but needs to be moved earlier in the Flynn 'what's next' talks.

[grävling]

Big Dig taxi conversations

s/ride to Black Row/ride to the Black Row/