Conversations overheard in the DV Prime Spice Hall

[ntsheep]

"Oh shit. I forgot he was back in port." says the bartender.

He then starts to put on body armor.

[Wolfasaur]

Hear about the docks? Apparently a steel song guy landed in a cardboard box. No Idea how it survived, but it did.

I checked the records, there was no song ship.

Yeah a angry cadarian torped it.

Goes to show that being a songer sucks.

[Zer0Winds]

"It worked!"

"What did?"

"The distraction! We sent down a cardboard box to make anyone that's Cadar shoot it! It's always funny how they think the box is Steel Song!"

"They're not the smartest."

"Nope. The only thing I hear they know is the meaning of Torp!"

"Wouldn't doubt it."

"Hey, let's send another cardboard box down and watch Cadar shoot it!"

"Better yet, stick some Cadari prisoners in it as the "crew""

[ntsheep]

"I've never lost a battle. I'm thinking of changing my name to Timex."

"Timex? Why Timex?"

"Because I take lickings and keep on ticking."

"I wouldn't do that."

"Why?"

"Because one of the spice girls here is known for that already."

[Zer0Winds]

"We're back!"

"Why are we here?"

"Don't question me Rodney, anyway, I'm back full time!"

"Aren't Steel Song and De Valtos at war?"

"Are we?"

"Yes..."

"..."

"..."
"Should we go?"
"No, only if we have no choice."

"You there!"

"Change of plans... Rodney, distract him!"

"Why me?"

"Because I don't like you."

[ntsheep]

The bar tender kept changing channels but the same thing was on all of them.

"What the fuck is going on?!" he yelled.

"Don't bother," spoke a customer.

"Why?" asked the bar tender.

"Because a couple of Cadar captains found out ntsheep was in dock and they tried to catch him. He hadn't finished loading up on supplies and all he had was a shit load of those damn holo jamming torps he made. The entire planetary comm system is stuck with this shit."

[sheff]

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Ok, that's enough spice for you.

I haven't had any yet. Pass the spice plate.

Bartender! Leave that Vudka bottle here. It's gonna be a long night.

[ntsheep]

"I just saw ntsheep down 3 liters of Crystal Pepsi and about 20 Kitkats and he's just sitting there with his eyes closed."

"They say he can get kinda crazy on that stuff. Wonder what's going on."

Inside ntsheep's head,

[Zer0Winds]

"Damn... the place is quiet."

"Why are we here?"

"I'm bored, and I came across that sheep awhile ago. Made me feel like coming here."

"That makes no sense."

"Don't question my logic. I make my logic with illogic."

"You heard of that approaching Cadar fleet?"

"Yeah. Not like I care."

"...think the Durandal will hold?"

"Probably. Sadly, the Durandal is undergoing repairs at the Steel Fortress."

"Wait, how'd you get here?"

"...Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to."

"But if I... Nevermind."

"Good. Now, I'm fetching my ship and I'm facing the Cadari fleet."

[ntsheep]

The morning news was on a tv in the corner. A reporter was saying,

"A local sperm bank was spray painted with graffiti last night. Several sentences​ read, I've got a whale of a tale. More night deposit holes for your convenience. Hand made just for you."

[poryg]

"I wonder why are there all these petty squabbles and unnecessary losses of lives. After all, there's no way anyone can ever win over anyone! Just look at it!
DeValtos are merchants. They spend so much on merchandise that they can never build any competitive fleets in time.
Cadari are warmongers with powerful military economies. However, when they lose trade contacts, they can't maintain huge enough fleets to take any planet.
Steel songs are also warmongers, but their planets are scattered so terribly that gaining any sort of advantage is impossible.
Javat has a very powerful mining economy and great refineries, which saves them from the worst, however they don't have the craftsmanship to build great warfleets from their materials.
Rycharts have their heads full of spice, so while they have very skilled spies for gathering information, fighting hand to hand and stealing enemy warships, they are incapable of any strategic thinking.
And Thulun spend years and years digging in the ground for artifacts instead of having any intentions of improving their military power.
Everyone makes a critical mistake in focusing too much on one part, which makes the entire conflicts useless. You are a famous economist, so will you tell me why in the world they still continue in these unnecessary conflicts?"

"It's simple. To power up the economy."

"What? How could that power up the economy?"

"Look at this. Javat are miners. They need to export all these metals and minerals they mine. Skillful merchants in DeValtos can sell anything, even if it doesn't exist, so they are making one use of the necessity of steady supply of metals. However, if there was peace and all were happy, then one day nobody would need minerals and metals... Or not as much. Luckily there are Cadari and Steel song, heavily investing into shipcraft building, to maintain large and threatening fleets. This forces the other Houses and Syndicates to power up their militaries at least to that extent so if wars break out, they can defend themselves until wars calm down. Also, with all these wars we don't need to worry about overpopulation as much as we would have to normally, which keeps the nature in balance too."

"But why don't they just stop fighting and start going for one common cause? Like campaigns against Narvidians!"

"Let me answer by asking you. Have you ever tried to find a Narvidian?"

"No. But it's not impossible, right?"

"It's not. But unless there are reports of alien attacks, it's very hard. Another question.
What do you think would happen if Narvidians were extinct?"

"Ummm... I don't know."

"Simply put, everything would return to old tracks, because warlike Cadari and Steel song cannot stay out of war for too long. The only thing that would be different would be extinct Narvidians."

"But the only good Narvidian is an extinct Narvidian! Just like every other alien! They have already costed us so many resources and ships!"

"And if you exterminate all aliens, who do you think would supply us with artifacts? Thuluns would lose their main job and the artifacts' prices would skyrocket like hell! And Thulun being in the greatest possession of artifacts, I cannot imagine what would happen if they picked warlike intentions like Cadari and Steel Song. Because unlike Cadari they would have the economic power to survive trade embargoes and unlike Steel Song their planets are well positioned and next to a weak foe, in other words Javat. And I don't know if you'd like this scenario, but I don't want to be ruled by these snobs. I would rather die by hands of a Narvidian!"

"Ugh... I think I'll order some more vudka. To forget that I've ever asked such stupid questions."

[LordofSyn]

This thread... gut busting hilarious.

Honestly, a thought just crossed my mind; What if Trese brothers had some superb volunteer gathering many of these threads into ebook format for publication on Kindle. A coffee table style book (but in digital format to keep the cost down) of great fan created subjects spanning each mythos they have created.

Content like in this thread, while more entertaining to the fans specifically, would still be great to inspire the imagination of the reader into the mythos whilst also providing humor. Just a thought. I mean, it would honestly help bring in more dev money overall and doesn't require much on TB side to get accomplished.

I am not discounting the previous fan fiction that has been published by any means. I also know that this is one of the last things Cory and Andrew have on their plate. I just thought I would put it out there!

:: grabs soap box and exits stage left ::

[poryg]

"When I submitted my late kickstarter request, I paid only 30 bucks, thinking I would wait through the Alpha easily."
"And you can't or what?"
"Of course I can. I have to. But it's not so easy. Perhaps I should have participated in the alpha."
"And perhaps not. Wouldn't it be a bit boring to know the important game secrets before it even came out?"
"But it definitely feels good to be a part of a group that helps to improve something, isn't it?"
"If you want to be a part of a group that helps to improve something, why don't you join some charity organization then?"
"Because I ain't no charity. I only help if I have a reason."
"Then why so many Porygs help rid the world of aliens?"
"We don't help rid the world of them. What would we do afterwards if we did? We just curb their population.

[ntsheep]

All the tv's blanked out and then had nothing but snow on the screens. The audio was static. After a moment the picture returned. Behind a podium was a sheep like sock puppet dressed as a reporter. He had what looked like tiny papers in his hands. He spoke,

"New flash. This just in. Butt munchers have run out of food and switched to carpet. Shag supplies are dwindling rapidly. The Brazilian market is sky rocketing as poles shows signs of a rise. We'll have film at eleven. Must be eighteen years or older for entry. We now return you to your regularly scheduled mind frack."

The screens went blank again before returning to a montage of photos while someone sang about thinking to themselves it's a wonderful world.

[resistor]

"There has been a Syndicate navy crackdown in deep space."

"Why is it always a Syndicate navy?