Atlas Screams
Exemplar
[ Patreon ]
The language of my people is lasers.
Posts: 451 
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Post by Atlas Screams on Feb 8, 2015 20:43:32 GMT -5
"Trans-Shalun ED Jungle Bass is dead! Everyone's into Trans DV Prime Dubhause now!"
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Post by ntsheep on Feb 18, 2015 15:25:37 GMT -5
"So what can I get you guys to eat?"
"Four whole chickens."
"Plain white toast."
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Post by slayernz on Feb 18, 2015 16:05:50 GMT -5
"Whaaaaat .... he forgot the coke. That can't be Jake after all".
"Huh? Whatchoo talking about Willis?"
"Jake wanted fried chicken and a coke. It was Elwood that wanted the plain toast"
"Ducks like plain toast. I like ducks. Theys yummy."
"Err ... okay. Sir. SIR. Can I please have a different table?"
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Post by Officer Genious on Feb 22, 2015 23:44:13 GMT -5
ntsheep, I finally cranked that drunken pity-party story out! "And then he hangs up on me. ME!" She struggled to focus on his face, which had a rather disturbing habit of multiplying itself. She steadied herself on the greasy bar table. "Son of a..." She blinked, scoured her face with a hand and waved to the bartender. The big man frowned, as he did for roughly three hours every night for the past three weeks she had been here to drink up his spice and generally make a nuisance of herself, but the man who nodded along today-- a spacer, by the looks of him-- nodded and waved his credit card. A thick glass of spice planted itself in the table in front of Officer Genious, barely recognizable through grime. She paused only to smudge a particularly nasty smear before immediately downing it in one swallow. "Hope that kolper catches space plague." She coughed and spat on the bar, then wiped the wrong spot clean with a dirty sleeve. "Rat bast--" "So word is you were a pilot before the... Incident." Officer Genious froze, straightened her sad self up and wobbled, like a glorious refurbished Staples Tower. And a thunderous fart roared out with an odor that could only be compared with a broken septic tank filled with dead Narvidians, and with a contented belch the former radar officer nodded. "Yep, was training to be a pilot." "I... Where..." He coughed, emptying his lungs of horrible things that should not be inhaled. "Look, we need a pilot. You... You need help. And a bath." The drunken officer shrugged, pressing her forehead against the bar. The spacer cleared his throat. "I saw your scores. And even as you are now... Ive seen pilots come back from this. Kind of. Well... Look, just sign up." "Sure." She swallowed and suddenly turned green. "Bathroom?" "Its over--" Too late.
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Post by slayernz on Mar 3, 2015 22:19:51 GMT -5
"100 hull with 40 engines," retorted a slightly drunk pilot, "we used to fly rings around them day in day out. They's like a statue compared to a decent attack craft. By the time it's turned around, you're already in their six and shootin out their engines. They don't stand a chance" "Yeah, but one decent hit from the 60 guns or 20 torps and you're in for a buncha hurt right?" "Nah, guns can only gimbal so much, and ifn you're flyin erratic, theys not able to lock on cos yooou ... unpredictable!" "How do you do that?" "Vudka. LOTS of Vudka ..." (Sorry - it needed to be here because clearly it's where it happened)  |
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Post by ntsheep on Mar 6, 2015 21:31:58 GMT -5
A very curvy and toned spice girl walked up to the table,
"Hi, my name is Jailbait." she said.
He looked up and smiled, his mind going crazy from the Pepsi and KitKats he had just eaten. He couldn't resit the urge building inside him,
"Please to meet you Jailbait, I'm Repeat Offender"
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Atlas Screams
Exemplar
[ Patreon ]
The language of my people is lasers.
Posts: 451
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Post by Atlas Screams on Mar 16, 2015 20:19:14 GMT -5
"... and that is how I lost my leg."
"You think that's rough? Ever since I sailed with Captain Atlas I can't see right anymore!"
"Wait, you're blind?!"
"No, no. I see perfectly fine. It's just all the extra stuff I see... that I can't un-see..."
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Atlas Screams
Exemplar
[ Patreon ]
The language of my people is lasers.
Posts: 451
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Post by Atlas Screams on Mar 16, 2015 20:31:18 GMT -5
The young captain moved swiftly. In moments, an overlooked and barren corner in the Hall became ground zero for one of his most heinous devices: the Fast Action Remote Triggered Blast Of Musical Badassery, or FARTBOMB. He made a few select adjustments before high-tailing it to the door.
As he crossed the threshold, he depressed a small red switch in his hand.
Some people screamed, some cried. Most danced.
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sheff
Star Hero
[ Star Traders 2 Supporter ]
Posts: 503
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Post by sheff on Apr 6, 2015 1:20:15 GMT -5
Did you know that we can pick up unusued torpedos and fire them again only because of the Cadar? Its true. Back in the day, they simply fired individual soldiers at enemy vessels. Before they started retrieving them for reuse, battles were much shorter, and there was more screaming.
Thanks to modernization, Cadar ships are outfitted with tubes that are no longer 'fun' enough to be used by soldiers and have been retrofitted to accept their robotic counterparts. Side benefit, 50% less screaming.
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Post by ntsheep on May 8, 2015 11:44:12 GMT -5
"What the hell is this green stuff?"
"Salsa verde."
"Salsa Verde, that stuff is dangerous!"
"Dangerous? You've got to be joking!"
"Do you know what happens when you eat to much verde? You get vertigo!"
"You're nuts! There's no such thing."
"I'm serious! Didn't you ever read the book of Toilet Revelations,
And lo there was a great rumbling sound, and the sphincter opened, and hell followed with it.
Shalun should have banned this instead of AI technology."
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Post by slayernz on May 9, 2015 3:51:48 GMT -5
"I went to a concert the other night."
"Cool, who'd you get to see."
"Some band called the Script."
"So what'd you think? How was it?"
"I dunno."
"You dunno? Was it good? Was it bad?"
"I dunno. Half way through the set, they flicked on some laser light show and ... well I kinda got lost after that."
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Atlas Screams
Exemplar
[ Patreon ]
The language of my people is lasers.
Posts: 451
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Post by Atlas Screams on May 9, 2015 20:34:09 GMT -5
"...note to self: Add more lasers."
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Post by slayernz on May 9, 2015 23:43:39 GMT -5
"Seriously, the lasers were really cool. I'd have hated to be the part of the audience that had them constantly shining at them, but me on the side (we got slightly cheaper seats), go to appreciate all the cool bright goodness without going blind. There was also a time in the concert that the musicians asked us, the audience to turn on our phone lights as the modern version of holding candles. Me, I had a Cree torch, so flicked that on and proceeded to blind half the people sitting at the opposite side of the stage to me."
"And the music?"
"I guess it was good. Never really listened to much of the Script before. I would recommend going to the next concert though"
"Because of the music or the lasers?"
"The lasers, of course. Silly question"
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Post by ntsheep on Jul 21, 2015 14:46:47 GMT -5
"Did you see ntsheep's latest entry in the hall of records! Level 101 on Impossible!" "He did that years ago, just didn't have a way to do a screenshot then."  |
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Atlas Screams
Exemplar
[ Patreon ]
The language of my people is lasers.
Posts: 451
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Post by Atlas Screams on Jul 22, 2015 23:37:03 GMT -5
"So then I said, 'No, I don't care that your daddy is some badass merc, he ain't here now is he?"
"Woah, what happened then?"
"Turns out, he was there."
"Every time!"
"I know right? Are action heroes telepathic or something?"
"I wonder if it's a union job..."
"Probably. All the good one's are."
"So, what happened to your arm?"
"Well, you remember that badass merc?"
"Oh.. right. Makes sense now."
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