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Post by Cory Trese on Dec 13, 2011 21:38:09 GMT -5
Jonny Vaughn's dialog: s/to negotiate a deal/to negotiate a deal in/ I can't find this EDIT: Andrew may have started messing with these already I will leave this thread be for now. |
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Post by grävling on Dec 13, 2011 22:01:34 GMT -5
Jonny Vaughn's dialog: s/to negotiate a deal/to negotiate a deal in/ I can't find this EDIT: Andrew may have started messing with these already I will leave this thread be for now. This is a problem with all of his dialogs, not any particular one. Every negotiation job has the missing text. |
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Post by grävling on Dec 13, 2011 22:42:45 GMT -5
Six Clip Conversation
s/there own style/their own style/
s/Fennian's aint softies./Fennians ain't softies./ (Note 2 fixes.)
s/If you working/If you are working/
and I would like a way to emphasize _for_ and _with_ in that sentence, italics would be nice, or bold text.
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Post by grävling on Dec 14, 2011 6:20:38 GMT -5
Spencer Street Butchers
s/ya here?/ya hear?/
s/sombodies/somebody's/
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Post by grävling on Dec 14, 2011 16:02:33 GMT -5
White Wings conversation
s/comee/come/
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Post by grävling on Dec 14, 2011 16:59:07 GMT -5
Mrs. Grim
s/chmmer/chummer/
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Post by grävling on Dec 14, 2011 20:34:10 GMT -5
Tekka House of Guns
s/weaponary/weaponry/
These are in Tekka House of Guns and Killing Naga Club and AzTek Commerce Center (who share the dialog).
s/I not sure I like your/I am not sure I like your/
s/we some other facial/we rely on some other facial/
s/Az Connectors/AzTek Connectors/ (somehow I didn't think the abbreviation was in character)
s/whet your whistle/wet your whistle/
s/your halfway there/you're halfway there/
In the FN-PAR briefing
s/desimate/decimate/
(and I like my tech sheets to come with numbers, could we add some here?)
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Post by grävling on Dec 14, 2011 21:03:27 GMT -5
Run-Down Pawn Broker
s/Yakuza have been/The Yakuza have been/
s/jokin/jokin'/
s/respsects/respects/
by the way, I parsed that to mean that there is somebody known as the Prince whose real identity is a mystery I needed to find and pay my respects to, so I wouldn't get shot up. And especially since the text from the Bungalow, says 'The Prince runs the place, runs the whole operation.', I think that this woyuld be an entirely reasonable parse.
Now, however,I think that what you meant was more along the lines of:
The gangs have been fighting over this neighbourhood for, well, it seems like forever. But if you pay your protection to whomever is the current Top Dog, your place usually doesn't get shot up. These days that means the Yakuza. Next year? Who knows.
But maybe you had something else in mind?
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Post by grävling on Dec 14, 2011 23:58:16 GMT -5
Mars Corp Private Clinic
s/Any information about cybernetics is confidential trade secrets./Any information about cybernetics is a confidential trade secret./
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Post by grävling on Dec 15, 2011 1:40:10 GMT -5
Spice Warehouse
/by the House/by the House./
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Post by grävling on Dec 15, 2011 6:34:24 GMT -5
Murdered Mime
s/serious though./serious?/
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Post by grävling on Dec 15, 2011 8:36:50 GMT -5
AlphaMAX
s/aint/ain't/
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Post by grävling on Dec 15, 2011 8:38:34 GMT -5
Vico Sanders
s/Blue ox/Blue Ox/
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Post by grävling on Dec 15, 2011 11:06:57 GMT -5
Unified Metals Research
s/balistic/ballistic/
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Post by grävling on Dec 16, 2011 4:53:16 GMT -5
Texas Powers (his titile is mispelled.) s/Brave Star Seargant/Brave Star Sargeant/ You write ' we are smart and shart'  was that supposed to be sharp? 'smart and sharp' doesn't really make sense either. Also you should decide how you are going to spell 'ya'/'yah' and use it consistently in this speech. The 'You' might want to be a 'Ya' also, in that case. And whatever you decide, that is the one that you might want to change: 'Yer got the connector here' to use. RIght now poor old Texas Powers is speaking with a Texas accent and a Boston accent at the same time, and it sounds really funny. :-) You write 'I am here for the BraveStar to qualify' which doesn't make sense to me. s/Appreciation/appreciation/ s/package runnin/package running/ (or 'package runnin') but, again, we need to decide when he drops the 'ng' from the end of words; if you do this inconsistently it seems weird. s/It don't work that way/It doesn't work that way/ s/Smart 'en sharp 'en honest/Smart an' sharp an' honest/ s/give him a call/give him a call./ 'capture hits' -- isn't that a contradiction in terms? capture missions maybe? s/pass of your's/pass of yours/ |
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was that supposed to be sharp? 'smart and sharp' doesn't really make sense either. Also you should decide how you are going to spell